Tue 23 Apr 2002 09:20
not so good, though I still feel fine. Took nap till 745? worked &
ate till 3:30am? up at 7:40 swam for 15, & some other exercises.
Need to get sleep under control again.
Read the growth/practice books again: ITP, the life we are given.
affirmation: my entire being is vital, balanced, and healthy.
should get me to bed reasonably...
2002-04-23-1634
a wisp of depression, pointing probably to the unsustainability of my
recent regime/ unsuitability. And relationship risk? And uncertainty?
I am overdue for an evening out, moving around, not typing here.
A light on the Horizon is the next quaker meeting? and Leonard and
Murphy's "The life we are given" which I shall continue now, perhaps
stretching a bit first.
2002-04-23-1851
The life we are given: George Leonard, Michael Murphy. 1995
p 42
2002-04-23-2141
I went out to the end of the (1) line, Van Cortland Park (Prak), and
seeing the spires of what looked to be Manhattan College, headed up
there.
a pear-shaped man was doing a form of martial arts/tai chi/sign language in the indoor track.
Continuing on through the wasteland of Fieldston, littered with flyers
dropped by school children regarding mitzvas and Ben Gurion trivia, to
Wave Hill. and back. A few stray cats, plodding joggers, some
strollers, a security patrol (by car), primarily, though, vast and
empty houses, sidewalks in desrepair, and an occasional passing
automobile.
to truly have no face, I shall one day savour owning that
dramatically-peaked, sharply four-storey building in Fieldston, by
myself, as an 80-year-old, with a Cadallac. My son will throw shotput
for Manhattan College track.
the form of a jogger moving off into the darkness down an empty street.
the subway car filled by 191st street. A deeply wrinkled old white man
squeezed in a two-seat with and joking with a large wall-eyed black
man, probably en espaŅol. etc.
A passionately distraught asian-looking hispanic woman expressing to a
latino man reflecting as if from somewhat far away her emotion. A
little black/white girl with a bloody nose and twin pony explosive
tails that hoped to one day match the fourth-of-july-grand-finale globe
of her mother talking with a big-mr-clean-looking
ancestors-were-much-taller-than-south-american-indians friendly guy
(attracted to her mom perhaps?). A spiffy Columbia(?) college student
who laughed with a short, high, voice-cracking 'ha'--well, like Jackson
Wilson laughs--on his cell phone, telling her he knew she'd be at the
game and had really wanted to go.
and
and
and
and
...
I thought, "I'm dying, and I can't wait!"
the heat is on again though I was wearing a wet shirt to keep cool last Tuesday.
I choose not to dwell on the Manhattan College students I passed by.
If I would take the time and focus to be physically awesome I would not mind living.
Take the time and focus.
Without freedom and time for the mind, physical awesomeness is a void.
yes.
The life we are given: George Leonard, Michael Murphy. 1995
p 42
.