Tue 11 Jun 2002 15:14
a writer has a following
and kids have quite a lot of time to read.
colin's childhood stories for subversives.

12 year olds or the age group of the cauldron/raven/three rings?

give c.s. lewis a -

how about subversive stories for a-dults? (and younger species)

sounds much more pleasant than this guru business.

much more fun, actually...

well, let's get started.

am I creative enough?

am I sexual?

am I the only one?

oh, yeah-

something new,

something magical.

what should the adventures be?

cyborgian, yet, focused on experience?

that kind of programming. Piers A

experiencenauts.

Olo and the experiencenauts.

what the fuck? Why not?

I t w a s a d a r k a n d s t o r m y n i g h t

Her internal recording device was working perfectly,
not something she would notice because it had never malfunctioned.
She went back to the time she had been masturbating on the top of the mountain, where there was no company but a view for miles, a tuft of mountain goat fur caught on a stick, a bird that had been flitting about, and a wooden sculpture that had once been a tree.

She focused on what had been captured of the bird. She matched it with a _________.


He decided not to focus on sexual experience. After all, that was only a part of life. Instead he concerned himself with the process whereby the child becomes an adult.

There is an unfortunate circumstance that the Hardy Boys had to deal with. Namely that they must produce goods for which...

And he thought, what if I let her go in my mind.

I am free to enjoy this present moment, without striving, without angst, because I have been successful at maintaining myself reasonably pleasantly.

Should I maintain an acceptable body and mind, I shall probably not be lacking for female company. I quite likely will never have a home nor a family. But that beats stressing about achieving or making something happen!

And he let her go. After all, their relationship was so pleasant for him (when it was, which was often), because she was leaving. So there was not the question of how they might fit together in a long term way.

And she went away to alaska for two weeks. And Returned Briefly for some secual adventures and swims on [off] long island, before she continued on her odyssey..

trying to make others feel comfortable, but sometimes bitchy, sometimes tearful, fearful of growing old and physical ailments and hurts and pains. Her weakness (everyone's weakness).

And he went on, passing four hours a day at a school of optometry assisting research, and the rest of his time in various ways varying from sleeping to masturbating, and sleeping. Occasional daydreaming. Exercising and swimming. Eatings. Looking at old national geographics. really, waiting idly until his job ended. Playing violin.

scratching away at the typeboard until sleep-

really, not planning ahead, except knowing that ahead would come.

There might be things worth planning for, but the reward of their nature was not clear. Say, continuing to be with sara--unlikely and admittedly not clearly rewarding. If a lasting relationship occurred it would happen as a result of convenience, not of striving or of forcing of pieces.

It is so nice, he decided, to lay here and type. What if his afternoons were lost to those seeking assistance of an aspiring personal growth guru, or the more mundane social worker? No, he decided, this is my reward for living. As much as I love sara, her responsiveness, her love, interest affection.

This, this idleness, on a warm june day with a misshapen basketball overhead, an empty water cooler tank, worn out tennis shous, and why, even a ceiling overhead, and over that a roof, and over that a sky, why, yes, this is life.

why do certain others go through the difficulty of raising families, getting involved with people who will sicken and die, and squeezing themselves into confining boxes /systems called professions or employment, simply to maintain such relationships.

When they could live alone [rather with others, or homeless], cheaply and frugally, enjoying the finest and simplest of pleasures. What could it be? Perhaps they eat too much meat?

an egg fried in butter.

1643
that kid is fucked up!" sally said. "But my pussy gets wet just thinking about him..."

"There must be something special about him," she thought.

beans and rice bring back the old days. Ah, the warm summer days

summer lovin' had me a bla-ast

[summer heat?] boy and girl meet--

and her name was Ellie!

"Sally," he said in a deep, nasally voice, "Consider the interweavings of the fibres of this old, dried leaf, which are visible by holding it up to the light."

She considered them. "Bitch,"  "I thought there was something special about you." "Every jack always shows me the veins of a dried leaf."

"Some hold it up to an incandescent light, some to the newfangled energy-conserving lights, others to the florescent lights of a desolate school-hall, still others have a flashlight, one had a candle, the last five used fading embers."

He felt his heart jump, and keep jumping. He tried to keep his calm, to focus on his center, three or so centimeters below his navel.

"W-would you like to see a movie with me?"

"Why, that sounds nice. Such a simple way to spend time with someone, but no one ever does that. They're all off contemplating scholar's rocks, mutually meditating, cooking organic, vegan meals from the newstart cookbook...

"With Swizz daddy?"

"even better-- you know I was afraid for a moment you had one of those independent filmfestival films in mind, you know like .... or .... or .... but Swizz daddy, no one ever sees his films. They all say they're only about sex, violence, and exploitation of women and small and large animals. Where did you ever find a place showing him? I mean, there's nothing but independent film festivals these days, the last cineplex closed down three years ago... Have you ever thought about having sex with me?"

"Oh yeah-"

"You know, just plain old school sex, where we just grunt, and you complain about condoms (or whatever), none of that sensitive talking B.S., none of that tantric yeehaw, or karma sutra shit."

"I'd like to dissemble with you sally-"

He felt his confidence return.

"I wanna fuck you like an animal!"

"well then, let's go see Mr. Swizz."



--

Children's books Colin, Children's books!


The adults... an experience that lasts longer than a few lines.


You become a writer, when you write for others!

my hobby is photography.

You know, you are a part of me now.

Joanna was right up there on that bed .

If I ever write something. Then is the task of publishing it.

Aspiring personal growth guru seeks sustenance. Speak with him for $100/hour. Find out more at experienceartist.org. To make an appointment call:

oh dear me--sara called my cell which was off, only about 20 minutes ago... she flew to atlanta to get to alaska... She's so nice!

I really like leaving the phone off.

I'm really not one for long distance relationships ("maybe I'll call or email you...") though I used to be (perhaps that's why)...

I can keep up my end though, even If I leave my phone off.

She's always meeting cool people.! And I'm like, I guess that makes me really cool? (no that's not what I'm like... It's good she meets cool people.) But it  er well maybe there's some non-sensical reflexive jealousy. Nonsensical because she's not mine, and even if she were, I wouldn't wish for her to only meet dull people.

Arrrrgh!!!!!!

Back to Olo and the experiencenauts.

This morning I danced (did my exercises) by the Grace building on 43rd

Sara called me on my experience approach: "It's as if you have a scorecard for every experience..."

but it already got us places we needed to go...
keeps from the idealization of what is not ideal, from suffering for what there's no need to suffer for.

Often, though, phone conversations are pretty low on my scorecard. Once a week if that, I might call folks.

I really am glad she is gone for a while.

since, as you might have read above my future with her, or anyone is anything but certain. So we can have fun together, but as to the weaving of something more...

Though she seems quite happy to not bother with the weaving of something more... it was me who has said I'm open to weaving something more,,, sort of leaving the ball in her court ..... and wondering how stupid that was... my mind had gone there though, and I'd rather have her know, than leave it unspoken.

I like my shaved head.

So, it's almost 6. Say at seven we go out. and wander around. I don't seem to be accomplishing a ton here.

I haven't violined since Saturday!!!

I found a misshapen basketball in marcus Garvey park this morning, and brought it with me. Hal liked it. Hal might start taking Yoga! (he could use some integral transformation...er at least physical transformation. he's not fat but has the body of a man who does no exercise)

Olo and the experiencenauts.

In the next adventure, Olo and her associates shall investigate (lawyer experience--no...) the experience of sex. Here we go again. She shall fly on the planet and begin interviewing individuals about their experience or non-experience. Yawn.

No. How intriguing!

How about the experience of marriage? How about?

How about the experience of education systems?

How about the experience of political systems?

two weeks and she'll be back before I can blink an eye.

The experience of of... of...

people grow up and they do what?

you're going to get old and what? go to law school? (jen mondino, I souled my sole, and sally did too)

hal's been at suny optometry since '74 since before I was born...

he has no kids. His wife, I think, is somewhat obese, and not healthy...

That woman outside the dance studio in LA as she drove off in her ??? "Sex was great last night!"

You're...

o.k. clearly you seem capable of sustaining yourself with part-time work without any advanced degree. or specialization.

and you enjoy passing the time!

individual seeks sustenance. interact with him for $100/hr. find out more at: experienceartist.org. to make an appointment call:

That should do it.

but darn. I still have to make some sort of web site. Which will be work!

I think I'll just work on my own. I don't seem interested enough in other people yet.

Perhaps I'll go to CUNY social work?

but, I see, I don't want to think of being here for a long time... I want to be free to up and leave!

which means-- I either need to be able to live cheaply and do anything, or, I need a location independent practice.

violin playing. dancing.

begging.

playing.

Colin's adult playgroups...

New playgroup starting for adults. An adult unschool. You're to come here and play as you might if you were a child. You can even play at being grown-ups.

There's nothing serious about it. Don't even pretend what you're doing amounts to something other than play.

Unfortunately, that requires organization and infrastructure....

would adults play with legos.. Play with barbies (sara played with barbies with her friend from long ago, who now lives in DC--what does that friend do? They made whole barbie worlds and the barbies would have sex)

would adults read children's books...

that playspace.

a playspace for adults.

They have to act as if they were children. Would they? Could you get some old guys doing that. Even old women. laying on the floor...

Just like a gym, have memberships, but with awesome playgrounds (santa monica shadow of an example) Try to get people to commit to set times so they get familiar with their playmates.

google search adult playgrounds.

that guy- saxaphonist- did suggest it, offhand.

Yee-ah, wandering around with folks does sound rather dull. I'd rather be a playground designer for adults. There will be an age requirement, and a requirement that you not do adult things... no fucking, though you could perhaps play doctor? but would not want to get caught.... er. Really though, sex is not the main focus for kids folks. Spend time in this world, and realize... something... perhaps... about the a-dult world?

Bernie deKoven's deepfun.com...

not theme park... instrument room.

a connoisseur of playgrounds. A playground designer. That is obscure enough... I should be able to do it easily enough.

a proponent of adult playgrounds.

a history of adult playgrounds in the world... play... not sports or fitness directed so much..

difference?

the freedom of the mind. Freedom from classes, from machines, from workouts.

Toys.

toys?

hmm. Let's go and stretch or dance, or something.
I love you sara!

a kind of art work? May need to seed the playground... with players. Imagine that, people who are paid to play.

2002-06-11-2138
I've decided to drop this temporary ambition to develop some vision of the future and go back to what I was doing before...
My hypothesis is that spending time with sara was getting me caught up with that sort of thing. It hasn't been entirely unproductive. But it's much simpler to wait until this job ends or gets too annoying, and I'm forced to do something else. Than to attempt to plan on doing something else when I'm not particularly stuck on anything besides writing away to myself.

amen.

back to violin practicing and web site of personal archives making.

good night.
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