Wed 26 Jun 1996 13:05
weds 815
being too much like notes to myself
.
Wed 26 Jun 1996 08:15
to force dialog
something fund wrong?
.
the revision and I think final, about. before spell check, brackets are
strikeouts.
{I am incapable of thinking any more, which suits me fine. The result is,
you get this in this state}
Being, what is it?
I imagine you picking up this paper. I imagine you reading the first few
lines. I imagine you putting it back on the stack and walking away.
I imagine you actually taking it with you, and then when you have some
time, I imagine you read it, and look at it, and say, "Wierd." and feel
wierd.
I imagine you say, "Wierd," and smile. You read on, and then what.
You read on, and you stop to think. Then you start to cry just a little,
and you smile.
You are now, for the moment, incapable of doing anything. You feel as I
feel, and you understand.
You ask yourself, "What am I?". You imagine yourself dead, and ask
yourself, "What have I been."
You put this down, and try to go back to your work, but you stop. You want
nothing more than to be with someone else, whatever that means.
--
Is there any point in living if you are the only thing in
existence? I say no, and feel also that there is no immediately apparent
point in living if I am the only human in existence in the present, past
and future.
Being is only meaningful if you exist as well as I.
--
Simply 'being' would be enough if you were the only being. Since there are
quite a few beings, separate beings, 'being together' is all.
--
I can only be with you inasmuch as you are separate from every group
except humankind. Its impossible now, is it?
I cannot be with you if you are Mormon first, because I am not Mormon. I
cannot be with you if you are Jewish first, because I am not Jewish. I
cannot be with you if you are White first, because I am not white first. I
cannot be with you if you are an American first ...
I cannot be with you unless you are are first and last yourself and only
yourself and nothing else. Only we who are unique, different from
everything else, only we can be together.
Not a problem. You are no matter what you do- no matter what you do, you
are separate, you are unique.
It is a conciousness thing though, you must be conciously aware that you
are separate from everything (everyone) else, to be together with other
people.
Here I am saying this, and at the same time hoping that my desire to be
with you is the same as your desire.
This desire for oneness is a characteristic of separateness. Just
as you are separate no matter what you do, you desire to trancend this
separateness, no matter what you think. How do you like that?
--
At the risk of turning you off, I will ask what is 'being together', and I
will answer, 'loving'.
What is loving?
being together.
being together for no other reason than to be together
--
Here I am going to stop- I don't know what loving or being together is, It
is something we do, though. I am going to ask those who want to be
together simply to be together to come together. And those who want to
explore the ideas here further, too. I was thinking we could meet this
Friday at 6:00 in the Sylvan Theater, and if it's raining, meet there too.
Maybe bring something to sit on, plan to stay forever.
In fact, the convocation of a group of explorers is the primary purpose of
this letter. I don't know if this will be a total flop, I don't know what
we will do.
I imagine going to this place, Sylvan Theater, on Friday at 6:00, probably
a little before. I will probably sit at the end furthest away from the
road, the end furthest away from the columns. I will maybe be the only one
there.
Maybe see you this Friday,
Colin.
--
Notes about this letter: About this paper, I need to be clear about what I
hope to accomplish. I want to be with people in a meaningful way. I want
to have friends [I am able to get to know very well] {I can not know you,
I can only be with you}. I want to be with other people who ask lots of
questions, who always question, I think, people who find their own way.
The question is, are these people destined to be unhappy, will these
people always be questioning and never enjoying the present. Unlikely. We
ask questions with a goal, the goal of improving our experiences.
In general, the question we ask is the question of what is the best part
of life, what have we loved most about our own life, and what do other
people like most about their lives.
But does this thinking get us anywhere? -I will have to check art of
loving for the dissenting opinion that thinking is a nother level of
whatever. {(Thought is the most subtle form of ignorance.) Thinking does
not get us anywhere unless it leads to action. The action justifies
the thought.}
The best part of my life has been when I have felt together with a certain
group of people, so then why do I spend all this time typing away by
myself? Because the activities of those people I could be with seem in
someway superficial to me. The activities I could be engaging in appear to
me to be less than living. A distraction from what we should be doing.
We should be creating, loving, being, not occupying our mind with games or
logic problems, but being.
The goal is to determine the best part of being and be that way more.
The goal is to determine a direction for the individual and collective
individuals. Collective society needs to work for a world where the
individual is recognized and appreciated as the most beautiful
manifestation of the society. Each individual should be appreciated for
herself, by herself and by the others around her. Conversation should not
focus on the superficial, but the immediate concerns and emotions of the
individuals.
What if this world is realized, what will it be like? People will focus on
their own selves and the people around them whom they can appreciate as
individuals. They will spend time with their own selves, with eachother
and for eachother. They will spend time exploring themselves and exploring
others[, and exploring the world with others]. [The knowledge of one's
self and the knowledge of others will be the greatest attainment in life.]
{being together will be the greatest attainment in life}
Yes this is a product of my aloneness, but I am alone for a reason. I am
alone because I do not want to be together superficially, for apparently
someother purpose. I want to be with other people simply to be with them.
What do people do when they are with other people simply to be with them?
Nothing and everything. They are open about the purpose.
What would be the effect on society if the focus changed thus? People
would choose settings that allowed them to best be with other people.
Would people have professions- would people have professions? People would--
so back to the paper. What would the purpose of the paper be? The purpose
of the paper would be to appreciate individuals and to encourage
individuality. The person who is a member of any group but humankind gives
up some of her individuality[, sometimes gaining an incredible amount]
{she gains a community, maybe a way of life, but is at the same time more
segregated from those not in her community.} {I'm sorry. I'm imagining a
Jewish woman, whose life is her religion. She lives (?) an incredible,
beautiful life. But I cannot share. Perhaps there are members of religious
--hell, I try to talk of what I do not know.} But this even is not
necessary. The people of this paper (?) will consider themselves first
members of humankind, and last members of humankind, and then members of
their respective groups.
{I cannot feel a part of a group which others cannot be a part. You may be
a part of a group, but I cannot be a part of it unless I give up some of
myself. I cannot say a religion or cultural heritage is more important
than what I believe to be important for myself. I have no religion but
what I develop, and I have no cultural heritage but the one I create. Any
limiting of horizon sucks, so I will be a part of no group but humankind}
{and why not just be? why not be a member of no group but the group of all
things in existence. Man is "life being aware of itself"1 and thus is
different, distinct, from all that is not human. I cannot be with a rock
as I can be with a human.} {the less your individuality, the less your
need to transcend it. The path of the human: aknowledging separateness,
then transcending separateness.}
How many hypocrites will we be? None I think- only we who are true to
ourselves can be true to others. Only we who respect ourselves can respect
others. But who knows. Probably just 1.
So my personal goal is this: I, with some help (or do I have individual
aspirations) print this letter, and bring together people who are
interested in putting these ideas in practice, and we will see what
happens from there. [We will print the paper to encourage others, but the
focus will be the meetings and the personal interactions that result.]{the
focus will be the being, and I doubt there will be another letter}
[What will happen once this group exists ]{It already exists.}[?] Will I
drop the paper? It will be short, always, only one page, so no big deal,
and other people will have something to write. If not I can draw pictures
on it, I'm sure.
The purpose of this paper to ask:
what is the best of life
how we can experience more of the best of life
how we can improve upon the best
and other questions.
The purpose of this paper is to allow people who have these questions and
some ideas to meet and try out their ideas.
--
1) from page 8 of
Title: The art of loving.
Author: Fromm, Erich, 1900-.
Edition: [1st ed.].
Pub. Info.: New York, Harper [1956].
Phy Descript: 133 p. 20 cm.
Notes: World perspectives, v. 9.
LC Subject: Love.
Status: Suzzallo General Stacks
301 W893 v.9 CHECK THE SHELVES
301 W893 v.9 CHECK THE SHELVES
Undergraduate General Stacks
HQ33 .F77 CHECK THE SHELVES
HQ33 .F77 CHECK THE SHELVES
{this book (and 20 years) is, I think, the reason this is happening}
judgement, interest, love, suggestions, ideas, crit: cleath@u
or send handwritten/drawn stuff to:
Colin Leath
Box 355670