Sat 29 Jun 1996 21:40

I need to turn in my reciepts tomorrow

This is so cool - I am laying in bed typing in the dark. I hear all the
noise the computer makes as I type. It makes a strange noise as I type. A
different noise if I move the trackball or press the mouse button. The
screen changes to bizarre colors if I move my head. There are streaks on
the screen from rows of white characters on black. 

Power saving is on the highest possible - The hard drive stops spinning
after one minute, the screen turns off after one minute, the cpu runs at 5
megahertz, the (the hard drive just stopped spinning and all is quiet
except for the little noises of the keys and the computer sounds ot the
characters being displayed. Even when I stop typing there is a noise. The
screen is mesmerizing. I think they use florescent tubes to backlight the
display. Some dorks (a few houses away at least) are playing loud music
with a base beat. I have yet to find my earplugs, but I will get (the hd
just turned on for some reason. Too bad I have to listen too it for a
minute - there, it stopped. Now back to the radio/ cellular noise of the
keys. Yeah, the screen is cool) them eventually. Did you know this thing
has a number pad? And a pg dn and pd up? Actually it has a function key
which makes that stuff possible. Btw, I haven't had this charged since
this morning, and the battery level shows it's still full- well, it was,
but I just checked, and it dropped one of five notches. The dorky base
players are still at it - I will have to find ear plugs or type until I
get dead tired, or type until I get sick of their noise and get up to see
if I can find ear plugs. I will have to do that. 

I just brushed, flossed and washed my face. I saw Denise Also. Things are
so much different when you have someone to care about - like you. Or like
I care about my little Aero, so I type to it before bedtime. Well, I could
be out screaming like those people I hear, but what point is there in
that? The only meaningful stuff I can do relates to the distribution of my
being letter and the attempt to organise meetings of people who would like
that kind of stuff. Perhaps you could think of something else. I could
write letters to or call people like relatives or david or charles, or I
could maybe try calling Proctor, or maybe Mary - I could probably call
Mary just to talk, but I have nothing to say. 

It was so nice just to be with her that day in the garden house with
Flower, just to be. 
 few things I've been thinking-- I'm in pretty poor shape for any kind of
traditional school work. It appears I am only able to function on school
related projects when I am with other people ( unfortunately the bugs are
also attracted to the lcd display, and I have no screen on my window, but
it's better that way). So I have a paper to write tomorrow, and I wonder
if I'll do it. I really liked working in the garden. I am getting the idea
that its rather unlikely to be with another person in a really loving way-
at least with most people here. Most people are after other things, I
don't know what- I hope I'm not one of them. 

What sort of thing can I do to take care of myself? Copyediting for a
newspaper like The Daily seems to be cool and interesting because of the
people I am with, but I am only doing that mondays. 

Btw, tuesday I have my novice crew class, tuesday evening. Soon I'll be
able to row every morning. This is almost sci-fi, my chin is on the bed,
the screen tilted towards me, and my hands lighted/ silhoetted in a
floresent glow. Then i'll have even less time, but maybe more people. 

I wonder what all work I have to do.

I really am a slacker with this school business.

Now I have no excuse, all this time.

It would seem, that once I thought there would be a woman who would go
with me to the woods, a woman to care about- a person whom I could talk to
every day, email, whatever, and have her be just as excited as I, once I
thought there was someone like her, I would be after a house on the coast
where ... 

And maybe I would work hard and try to do some of this stuff well.

But I know, the only questions are my questions, the only reality is my
reality, etc.. 

could be I'm wrong.