Fri 19 Jul 1996 06:34
woman.wri (actual date unknown)


I am going down like I always do

Cannot be quiet cannot think, I am lost, this is hell. I have to define life in a few hours tomorrow and

So Life is different now, but it still goes nowhere and I will fight to make it always that way. I will no longer be responsible, I will no longer be my own person.

Change. Strict self-sufficiency to total irresponsiblity, total distance, no thought only the feeling and then action hell.

What is the change something to do more like life, but is all for naught because I die tomorrow......

And If I did not die, it would all be for nothing.... You see.  And believe in nothing but no hope..

So the people fade and I go back to another extreme

So I have created a utopia and then. There is n such thing.... only      always    work...

The people fade with distance and I think no more I have no more hope then what is there no hope only the present this sucks I am finding no aspect of sanity but in the animal, the physical  and that is nothing higher.  So always the only constant questioning and the gurantee for never an answer.






Term paper time.

Writing this is terribly hard. I know this has no meaning. I can only do this if I do it with absolute concentration on the present.

Every theory of mass communication must begin with a theory of humankind. Mass communication is the conveyance of information from one organization or individual to many through media. This is a characteristic of all humans.

What is unique about the human? What makes the human unable to participate entirely in the natural way of existence like the chimpanzees or the dolphins?

We all have a certain awareness of the past beyond the past of our own lives. We have an awareness of the future.

We are aware that we will die. And we are aware that we are separate from all other things. We have the time to consider these aspects of our existence. Our minds, free from the focus on physical survival, fill with this awareness.

Once the human has fulfilled the basics of survival, namely food enough to eat and protection from exposure to the cold or the heat. Once the human has fulfilled her basic animal resposiblities, then the awareness comes.

Consider those who go for all their animal resposiblities, not only food, and shelter, but procreation-- The cycle goes on but with less time for the awareness of what is uniquely human.

Consider: would you have a child knowing your life has no meaning and your ultimate future is death? And, if a woman, your child will eventually be as separate from you as you are from every individual?

Consider the effects of this awareness: everything a human does is for no other reason than life has no meaning. The human attempts to give life meaning. Do you need an example? I could go on and on.

But consider the fully mature human-- the human who realizes her hopelessness and her death, and concentrates her whole being on her essential humanity. What is hopelessness? The awareness that the future holds nothing better than the present. While this is only true in the ideal world,

The picture of the ideal human- she is focused entirely on the present and entirely on her separateness. While language itself is a fallacy  because of how and why it has developed- for survival and then in the wild throws of humankind to find meaning where there is non- language is pretty messed up. But, it can be used to good effect. Consider:
love
art

Consider:
hate
murder

What a weak argument-


what place does mass cmu have in our lives?

examples of the best of humanity

And what is that

The one question: What is music?
Language itself is useless.
.