Tue 20 Aug 1996 10:00
Lise, Kristen, imagination. It's hard to say. I could go rowing September 9 with Rebecca, Mike, Shannon, and some others.
I have no clear guidance either way. Will I wish I had gone if I do not? Why am I not super enthusiastic about going? Because it gives false significance to the meaningless. Competition, a cure for breast cancer, well, some have significance. Because it requires effort, and it seems to me to be effort in the wrong direction. Sure I would get to know the people I row with a little better, some of them anyways, but I would rather meet them doing something I believe in.

Seems I will lose this way. You know, make no compromises, meet no people. It is only a Saturday night and a Sunday morning.

If it were free, I'd be there. Really- no there is a moral cost, an aesthetic cost. Undefined, diffusion of concentration. Be concentrated in everything you do.

Yeah, well, make a mistake, but I won't know it  is until I do. I can try but it is so fine.

You see, I did not go with the sailors, for one reason, but the rowers seem to have a little more space in their minds.

this is hell, It is stupid, it is a distraction, but what better thing have I come up with myself?
You see, there is no answer. You see there is no song, we go where all the birds are, and falling, we hit the ground.

I can stay here and be safe in what is my idiocy and may be my genius or I can go and question. Insecurity and delay of the great accomplishment of my life. It cannot hurt.

It will give me a new story to tell. Perhaps I do this at the cost of another opportunity which I do not know about yet, that is the problem with commitment. eh.

It won't be as much of a story as the one I told with Jackson, or maybe with sara, but that sara did not really give me a story, Ok, goodbye love, I'm going.
love,
Colin

.