Sat 24 Aug 1996 21:00
So the right environment needs to be created.

There are other problems, just as important that need to be concentrated on. But if those problems are ever solved, an awareness of these becomes all encompassing. These questions cannot be asked unless the others have been asked. There is no point in asking the other questions, if these questions are not asked.

WE need consciousness ed, like we need sex and drug ed. Consciousness ed.

just talked to erin. Remember critical mass.

What is it to be human.

So I have escaped from the specifics of my situation and moved to the most general, and I feel safe and purposeful now.

The next job I have is to work on the text of my flyer.
later. I will see if I can get rowing people to come to the critical mass bike ride

something's wrong here.


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Sat 24 Aug 1996 20:00
What is the most that a person can give?
What is the most a person could give me.
what do I want from her? I love her, I don't know how, I don't know why.

I'm not getting anywhere. Fromm says stuff like the " in the most general way, the active character of love can be ... that love is giving - he says not recieving, but he is wrong.

When someone asks to help me, and I can let them, say yes.

And a million other clueless people have their own incomplete definitions of love.

What is giving? who knows.  He is great at giving examples of what is not, but how about what is.

"The most important sphere of giving.. She gives of herself, of the the most precious she has, she gives of her life. Not nec sacrifice, but what is alive in her, she fives her of her joy, of her interest, of her understanding, of her knowledge, of her humor of her sadness, of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in her." p 24

So many useful terms, but what is alive in her. What is alive in her. We have no idea, what is alive in her what is alive in me.

I love her because it is like we are kids again, she does things a kid would do, how wrong.

I love her because it is her enthusiasm and her craziness that gets us all as enthusiastic and as crazy as her, but so.

Mr Paradoxical. requires development to love.

I don't know I don't know. I will just type away for fun. all the other work I have to do is insignificant compared to these questions, but I kid myself.

What is the most that a person can give.
What is the most a person could give me.
What do I want from her.

I don't know the answers to these questions folks, and I will take a break from asking. I will do what I think feels right, because as so many before us have pointed out, thought is the most subtle maya of them all, Maya meaning illusion. Thought is the most subtle layer of illusion keeping us from our genuine nature, which I suppose is intuition, or feeling maybe. So I will do things like try to play tennis with these people or try to see them or talk to them and maybe give them some questions, but the questions go no where. It is as I say, and will say a few thousand times,

be together
     to be
  together

this is a pretty important thing to do.

and I was going to think up text to explain this but should I really. I cannot really explain a thing. I cannot really explain a thing. Who are you, what do you feel, I am lost and you are hope. Is this all I want- do I want to know who you are? Do I want to know, what you feel?

And of course the who I'm talking to is the women with whom I could live the rest of life together. But that is a strangeness. An inexplicability. Where two people become one?

Fromm gives some poor examples about this exclusive love. Would that mean if I have it with her I could not have it with she.

White noise.
Sounds like the ocean.
But the noisy mufflers.
The sirens. And the accidents.

The sirens are the sounds of the Orcas in the waves.... Greg.

My poor dad is not one with a lot of crazy friends, he gets to see them some times. I don't quite understand him as much any more, he has a lot to do, and he does have people to be with and daughters and a son, so I guess he is more peopled than me.

Can I not be friends with them all forever and the same level of friend, can I not be with them all. - At oneness. It is stupid to spend all this time worrying about this business, but the things I do do not seem important unless I feel I am developing life in a way worthwhile to myself.

Well, let me decide what has been decided.
Being with people is important, and I am not with people now.

--

But how can I be with these people? Oh, god, that is the question. Oh, lise,

how can I be with these people in a way I feel is good, and a way they love as much and don't feel on the brink of a mental breakdown by me, not that I have one, as much.

make the environment around yourself aware and known. If you all know that these issues are my issues, these questions are mine, we will be able to work on them together.

Make the environment yourself. Make the environment of yourself conducive to these kinds of explorations. It is natural, here to say, how bout those sonics, or whatever.

It is not so, unless you make it known, How do you love? How do you love? What is the best way to live. What is the best way? What do you mean to me, what does she mean to me. What does she mean to me. By putting the questions together, we are together. It is the questioning separately that gives us our 'futility' 'anxiety'.

So I have envisioned the ideal world, created by me to get at these questions, and to really ask why do you all, mike greg, Kristen, rebecca, mean so much to me, and what should we do about it.

There is no answer? But what if the environment is created? Then perhaps instead of writing to this computer, I could call her up and talk to her about it. Once the environment is created, it can exist and allow for greater 'understanding'..

So once this time of understanding exists, Once this environment exists, and we are all interestedly and seriously talking of (and jokingly) of what we mean to eachother and what our lives mean to the rest of our lives, what then, and what is love and how to be together?

Supposing this will lead to advances in our ability to be, not in our thought, but our actual existence, we don't need more books, we need the right environment for life, and an openeness of all thought, that reduces really the separateness of thought, without limiting and constraining the mind, awareness of the individual. Not the separateness of thought, but the separateness of being.

I feel a hopelessness below this all. It is not there when I am with you, person, it is here now.

It is here now...........

So the right environment needs to be created.

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