Mon 09 Sep 1996 16:00
wish this did something for me wish something did.
deal.

heaven.
heaven here.
The dark cool room, the wind in the leaves, the green the blue the white, the leaves the sky the clouds, the vary, the cyan, the vary.

My vision of heavan can get me through, but I know it ends.

This is not depression, this is nothing. Tell me what you want me to do, I can do it.

The solution: mess with the brain? Map sight, map vision,

That is what I will do. Gibson, why not.we. can. take him.

Let's go for it, and the focus changes.

The reason for ignoring all, is because with out their needs they would be nothing, with out their needs there is nothing anyone could do to help them, nothing they could do to help themselves, they would be like me.

share my experience, lovers.

direct sensory map.

And why will I do this? Because I have nothing else to do. What could I have done? If I could have helped people to be more open and loving and compassionate, what then? We would have needless people.

Can I have both friends and purpose?

no.

So what if people talk to eachother? So what?

We meet our needs. Then what? Then what.

Then this-

Yeah, supposing rebecca was staying here, she is fine. Suppose we get along well together, good and well, and we don't die when the other leaves for a time. Works. Supposing we have needs the other can meet, and I do, and maybe she does. Supposing.

Then we become stronger, and free to concentrate on other needs, All that is, and now I am. Free to concentrate on other needs. The need to have something to do.


--
so that's it, throw the others and go the way, the way there is a way, the way these people are, because I am with them, because I know the answers.

I should be able to go on now and formulate the perfect gov't, but I know what it is.

Why not work for it then? I am oppressed because the people around me are.

To some extent, but I can find the people get them to talk, external to approx internal, and we do not oppress eachother.

I see a devil in the leaves of the tree, I saw, and she smiled at me. |he|

So personal oppression is taken care of.

the other problem I could work for is having people realize there are many things they don't need.

But I realize that without these percieved needs, they will have nothing. Our needs are only percieved. We percieve all.

We have no needs, nothing matters, etc., etc.,

but we may as well do something, yes?

The whole needs thing is a mistake, an end, but at least it got me to leave off.

So what will buzz do? What will all the sad-assed people do I saw today? And the happy ones to?

Should they try as I have and loose all their needs, only to cling to what they have so that they can go on?

Would it be best to go out into the country and grow the food and be quiet and have kids?
 
No, because I would ask why.

The time in the garden would be insane time, and not quiet time? Depending.

So there it is. I will evolutionarily fit, in some part of the process anyways. And the work I do never ends, and I will die, and time goes on, and the work I love, will be the work I love,

And what of these people, who because I ask these questions and love them, love me? What of these people?

I cannot teach, because I have nothing to teach.

What of all those kids stuck in all those fucking schools who want to learn about life? Consciousness? What it is to be human?

They have to go at it their own, I'm not going to go into education and change the world that way, because at the end of the questioning, allthough they are pure.

They will be pure, ready or not ready to die, but knowing how, and able to concentrate and able to percive, prioritize, and love?

What is love? Love is love is. What is love?

And love, has this made me able to love? It has made me realize that the basis for love is distance, and the basis for continued love is percieved need, etc. etc. love of work.

Why would I love my work and not a person? The work clearly goes on/

Rebecca, does she go on? She goes on.

--
1830

Um, same, tired, sawn, feel.

The question of why not social science, what would I work for?

I work for a world without cars where people focus on people as the source of all their significance and so act in ways in which to spend the most meaningful moments with eachother.

Fari nough what is the problem.

The difficulty here is how to spend the most meaningful moments with eachother. The fact is that other people are all there is, but it is not the one other that is all there is. It is the individual and the humanity, the indiv and the organism. It is not simply appernuciating the other.

It is more, it is the exchange and the fulfillment of needs. The fact is, a person can get by without concentrating of focusing on the indivs around them if the person's percieved needs do not involve the individualities of the people around her.

It is just as, am I to say, that those who love the structure of the Relig are worse off than those who do not?

Am I to say that the person who thinks she needs to be with other people has a more accurate perception of herself than the one who thinks she needs to pray?

The answer is no.

Am I to say that the person who thinks she needs to love, is righter than the one who thinks she needs a car?

Well, we all need to love, it is in the specifics we are lost.

Who am I to say having a gar is not loving?

I by my personal example may show, may show.

Am I to say?

On the other hand, no one minds terribly if I find a way to record and share sensory perceptions.

 Am I to say we should live in places with plenty of park space and tall trees, without roads and parking lots and suburbs and large stores?

What of this goal of speaking to the basic human needs?

The basic human need is a need for need. Now who is going to love that.

In all things, that is it all, the human without need ceases to exist.

What of the goal of having consciousness ed.? of having a class where people are encouraged to explore what it is to be human and what might possibly be the best life.

I know Rebecca knows, it is family, can be, if, can be if,

and it is play/work, like Kristen knows. can be if.

like the Japanese men know

And it is dying, as we all know, and the Jewish people, and the nearings and Rebecca knows, and Kristen doesn't know, or knows but does not love death.

And is it really family? Is it really family?

What else is there? If there is not that there is something missing, and it is the un pressed need.

So why not have a class for people to ask about what the good life is and express their own thoughts.

Because so many people already know. think they know, like me, and those who question will question, hell, this dialogue is everyones.

The sad thing is, the kids don't realize it. The kids don't know.

And how does that change.

Why bring kids into this lovey world? Why not? Because they'll hate it here. Tough sons.

Tough kids, yeah, well, not if we all talk openly about what it's like, how bad it is, how good it is , why etc.

Why because my family is not here.
love.

Why because she is not here,

Why because the work is not happening.

And why?

So, what of the class on consciousness ed.

I was going to write the curriculum, But all it really is, is asking what questions you have and then trying to find them out, I want to know what you ask and what you find.

You are the source of both.

Yes.

Done.

So what makes me draw? Each drawing is a question and wanting to know the one I draw, a focus. Go

So that's it then. Everything's ok. I am going to love.

I am going to see her. She will grow.

I will live in the country, and she, and our friends, los alamos.

Dear, R. Are there good people in the country?

I have to leave this place, and the time.

There are good people south in California.

And I expect there is another place,  it is her family. It is her family.

And there, I can stay quiet. And we can live in such a place where we can grow and food can, see where Kyle lives.

And where we can bike to the town and to our friends homes, and go on walks by the ocean, by the river, by the plain. See D.H. Lawrence.

And where the kids may be whole, may be tragically deformed, may be not, because, we know what it's like. And where they may grow.

and where we paint, they grow, they come, know.

know.

an ability that will always give them a foundation reason why it is worthwhile to live, and sexondly as they weave the textures of their lives, the background memories will give them untold pleasures, and perhaps the basis upon which they can build an important life work. NC Wyeth. Are there any more like him?

sensing new impressions, and memory of old ones.

utmost of pleasure and inspiration from the simplest.

the simplest.

Total emotional involvement. Total, total total.

total emotional involvement.

david heller, bob, and reed.

--
the change here seems to be afundamental one after a long process of reducing, eliminating need the focus is now on creating need.

create need. create meaning, create meaningful experience la te da

No there is a need to think about some other things, but it is important to review how I am here-
 how am I here?

The realization how hopless it was to have no need, and that if we logic and question all, there is no need. All needs are percieved. Not need analysis, but need creation.

hopless.

So I was in that situation of lacking vertical variation in my path, and decided, that in fackt I had no need.

And hell, I could sit here and starve to death, as is philopsically pure? No., logically rationally pure? not even. As is a premature and supremely beautiful act of self expression of the basic hopless human situation, the basic human sadness, the foundation reason why to not live? Maybe.

So then I decided I would do something. I then decided I would not try to save the world through social science. Because I understand the basic and pure situation. Ly. We start out needing, and need for a while. Life is easy when we need. When we do not need life is poor.

I know sort of what to do, because I know it is family and community, though family scares me. Scares me. To be with people that much, that is life.

And there is more. To live in a place I love to live.

Foolin.

The place does matter. The park in your backyard Kyle, the river in your front, the foundation reason why to live. Go.

You know I will always love everyone or always a lot.

So to be in that place.

Then also what to do there. What kind. What kind. She's so young and doing so well. Well.

Life is easy when we need.

...

So I cannot stay with philosophy, because I have it all figured out. I do not yet understand the vagaries of experience so phil cannot hurt, but hey, there she goes.

So I could not stay with psych, soc etc, even cmu, though I could stay with each one, but the
distance between the work and the effect is especially great in phil and lesser in the other but still much more than the science in some cases.

I know the kind of cmu that i want to work for and it is this kind, the thought- trans the record and share of experience.

I know the kind of experience I want to live for, and I don't know if the profession and life are shareable.

Why this focus on tech? Wanting something to do. Wanting to forever change the capabilites of our organism. And Why? Supply Creates Demand, from Randall Sawer quoting a person.

What else could be done, not needing tech? Simple appreciation, ah, but that could mean no need no need. Appreciation of need fine.

Could I teach? Not any class but the life one, and that is a class like no person has ever had before except in life.

And is there oh, I could stay home I suppose or work on neural disorders but what chance.

What of the guy who left for africa? These people NEED most, need me most.

need.

now I know what those knights of the shrubbery were

What of his need?

More schweitzer please

So I need

beautiful. It works. Is that really it? The 'practical application' only remains.

register as meaning of life.

Write the labs and let them know. And how to right.

So the practical application remains. I guess I will be taking biology, and going like she does. R. so I can work on the Cmu and also be ajanitor or like she says, doctor, psych maybe, foolish crazy, choices though, emp anywhere and life with others.

Alright, fine. I will keep the spanish, the speech and take more sp cmu later, I think, interpersonal , etc.

I will drop the phil and go with the bio.

--
rat/emot need. way

Rebecca, do you usually not play the radio as you drive?

So the job, the cmu the direct thought transcript, the personality construct.

Is all constructed need.

The most important of course is the interpersonal interaction which allows the needs of one's self and the other to be met.

When I see Kristen, we can make up needs we both want and fill them and that will be love. Say.

Love.

Oh, Rebecca,

Shannon,

Do you realize, anyone? Anyone.

Well, why another better than another, because she's here, she's close, she has time, that is all. Perception,
and reality circumstances.

So I need to get the bios

tomorrow then.

.