Fri 08 Feb 2002
nose picking catching by beautiful women...
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Thu 07 Feb 2002
for some reason can't find any way of checking cookie other than
example....!!! what I've got works, but involves copying in css text
twice for the if statement to handle case of cookie being set and
cookie being back! What the? is going on?
--alright- got it fixed- used different variable name.
--let's write a python text file parser.
rules:
in vim:
%s/$/\ <br>/gc
%s/\t/\ \ \ \ /gc
do this with all of our <pre>
<should render-- is there a format== text?>
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Wed 06 Feb 2002 20:22
rebecca's middle name is joy
natasha sweatpants hug labia mirror strapless
four face on subway station floor
handcuffed to railings
The difficulty is, writing echos. Writing of real people, using real names is painful and burns and so is the alternative.
rebecca's middle name is joy
death--that looks like death there is death to look forward to unless
The mundane, the routine, the extraordinary
take a dance class every day
sex
status eunich
but not among dancers and
that is a negative and invalid thought which should not be entertained, though there is a reason for its existence and it is valid in some degree.
sex sex
and why this focus again? It is an aliveness,
but the resolution is not the resolution
so, on to social theory and Habermas' rational communication
beauty in movement
isolation
you're a fucking seal!
jim synchronized swimming 7:15 weds
gay men.
gay women!
so, on to social theory and Habermas' rationalization of communicative action
do you know what unschooling is?
un stooling?
no, unschooling, schooling with an un in front of it.
no sorry. (the meaning of life is giving life meaning)
does a lesbian think of sex with a guy like I think of sex with a guy? How accurate are either of our thoughts?
what does my face say?
I see the tired and the fear the vaces of the beaten, the faces of the vapid ..., no- the faces of the vapid.
The dead grey financial district castrated. tickets to see are 5 blocks that way. expansive horizon where once
and then there is natasha's face. She is not from here. She comes in late. She is the one who did not register. She sits out. She walks off in the middle. She leans against the barre. She is beautiful, is she openly expressive of sexuality, or is it just contrast to the grey new york dancers in that dingy studio? She is from greece 6 months ago, an actress not in anything yet. Who, after I ask, asks me how I work out, and makes a bad joke, is that pool water. She seems more awkward in this beginner class than I am. She once said she is old, twenty-six.
She is accented, emphatic, emotional.
I missed Carmen this morning, and I was sad, noticeably, and spoke, subdued with Susannah instead, who does not know how to play go, but has a friend from penn state
katsup on the turnstile bar
cackling
comparative lack of energy to federic is my diet wrong oh is my diet wrong?
blacks rapping nigguh to the air
squat yoga hardest pose something I've never felt before. standing up and not sure I was not going to collapse, and after not collapsing float
love
dance
silence
unresponsiveness
a thousand faces every day. so many young women, could lead to carelessness with the ones who already
what I want
try a thoreauvian poetic prose style, no more of this condensed stuff.
My rambling focus yawed like a marble on a pivot-board most often landing if relaxed in Natasha. Her face is not stunning, but her attitude. And her body is not perfect, but dressed as hers was? One doesn't pull one's grey, thin draw-string sweatshorts up so tight that lines of wrinkles V to one's waist from one's crotch gap and one's labia press--Now why is it that she should be an eye magnet, since I remarked on labia and leotards some time ago, and this is not a rare or titillating sight? The mons pubis on female swimmers in profile used to strike me. It's her creative combination of clothing and labia, bare, soft belly, smooth, round calves, paintbrush lips, caught up hair, light feather eyes, and the moment she moved the straps of her white dance bra from the tops of her shoulders to the sides of her arms, glimpsing, between Jennifer's movement instructions, that her shoulders without straps--I said a silent "wow."--looked how?
well, a lot more work, and not what I had in mind. I'll see which does the job for me better, in time. Once I actually or nearly wrote myself to orgasm... I won't be attempting that now, though maybe I'll find that writing some time and scan the page in. That wasn't what I was referring to.
o.k., what I want
When I was a kid I wished it to not be so, and was somewhat perplexed about why adults saw sex in everything. A national geographic article discussing the phallic symbolism of this and that comes to mind. A spear is a spear. Is Freud responsible, or did he put seed in fertile ground? I may have known intense heterosexual love without sex. I hope I might know it again. When the possibility of relationship is out of mind, strong desire for sex is out of mind as well. I can get off the sex focus by a quick masturbation or actual sex-- and then I'm on to Modern Sociological Theory again. Therin is the problem. I feel like a biological automaton. I do not find fault with Dan Savage's thoughts about why it is much better to have sex with a man---there are other things to do---, and for women to have sex with women, given comparative time to orgasm.
AT the same time, I appreciate how valuable it is to have any motivation at all, especially those most biologically based, so while I might complain about the ridiculousness of my experience, I am happy to love remembering Natasha with more baseness and richness than I might have as a castratum.
What I want, aside from sex.
???
2306
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