Tue 05 Feb 2002
Tomorrow there is a zope UG meeting.
Every Weds.- contact class 6:45 - 9:30 537 Broadway 3rd floor NY, NY $12
I can do anything. What should I do now?
Should continue to look for project?
should find something to work on.
Dee Hock: Birth of the chaordic age.
Manhattan Plaza Masters: Sarah Schindler, xxx Riverside Drive, #134, New York, NY 10025, (212) xxx-xxxx, sschindler stlukes
Wednesday evenings at the
> Manhattan Plaza Health Club on 43rd St. and 10th Avenue. Class starts
> at 7:15 P.M. If you are interested you can take a sample class for
> free. After the first class, you'd either have
OD, human systems development
Perhaps, perhaps I am missing something because I'm looking where I've
been trained to look. Would I rather be a synchro swimmer of some kind?
don white
dee smith
Yes, I would want to be a synchro swimmer of some kind.
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Mon 04 Feb 2002 00:36
I want to make my first nyc entry. There are still technical issues though. Not serious ones. As I write these, I still have to manually enter <br> and <p>, etc.
So, I have spent perhaps too much time working on this site recently and focussing on the past, not working as much on the future. There will be more to come. Perhaps I shall move all the contents of the old being group site and the j9k site to zope as well. February 16 I will try to retrieve the contents of my old laptop's harddrive, in which case I will probably put more college era entries here.
I might also see if I can get access to a good scanner, and re-scan some very old letters, and perhaps someday, old notepads. I would also like to get some files from an old Commodore-64 word processing program format, paperback writer.
Things are not excellent. This is due to renewed exposure to the less than wholesome writings of the past, and to excessive computer time involved in getting this site the way it is now.
I began this latest effort on this site, because I wanted to write- about what I don't know now-, but did not yet have the new journal managment system working, which I wanted to use.
perhaps now, when I want to write, I shall write.
There is a tightness in my chest about where my heart is. My teeth are stained. I need to make appointment for dentist, physical, and mole-check (dermatologist). It is easy to not take care of ones self in certain ways. As to why I have this heart-attack type feeling, I do not know. It is possible I do have clogged arteries, but my diet is not bad and I do not lack for exercise.
yawn.
An interesting occurrence is my friend Carmen. I spend time with her, and she is a lesbian, shows little sign of not being a lesbian. I can play off my tendency to want to spend time with women, and not get mired in the issues or time involvement of girlfriend/boyfriend/sex/etc.
It is interesting to me how limiting it seems to have such a non-physical relationship with a woman. Such as it is. Because I'm awkward in this, as in many other relationships, and unsure of its value to me, and have no idea of its value to her---well, regardless, who knows how long we'll want to continue to spend time together.
Tough is her tendency to be like I imagine a hetero woman to be, on occasion. Times, it seems, she is just asking for physical affection- she looks adorable, or childlike. But she's not, I'm all but certain, due to the awkwardness of my tendency to at least want a good-bye hug. And I get very quiet, and I think talk in a strange way. I would not talk to a guy like that.
No question, I want more, I imagine doing more with her, until the reality of the situation impinges. Someday there will be time and opportunity for those things, but I think my focus means to be elsewhere.
I've contemplated speaking of these thoughts to her. It is possible she could read them here. But I do not think such a discussion would improve our situation. We are perhaps, if anything to eachother, company. Fortunately we have more to say to eachother in person than Mollie and I did. We are quiet much of the time, and that is nice. I really do not have much to talk about. Though I think I like to create and play with worlds in writing like this.
The feeling of love though. What if she were bob? I guess bob and I had more to say-- there is love shared in that kind of conversation.
Carmen has some idea of what she's playing with. She may have done it before.
------------------------
Beverly is another puzzle.
Rachel, however is perfect. She's awesome. I don't see myself being with her much more. But she's easy to be with, has a lot to say.
Nathan, I think I've managed to say good-bye--
Peter will still be there, perhaps, for an occasional something.
But- Remembrance of things past? Proust.
The real--
Now, the future. Should I write-not for money, but to pass the time, or keep looking into Organizational Development/Learning.
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