Mon 01 Apr 2002 23:15
713px high is the majik#
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Mon 01 Apr 2002 19:53
Feeling a bit sad because I don't think I said good-bye to sarah well this morning. She is friendly, and not afraid of being friendly (yet), and came over to me at the playground behind the hedge, where I wait for Carmen after swimming on M,W,F... And then Carmen came and I had to say good-bye. I think I could have done a better job. It is strange to be the one in control in all these situations. It is a bit easier to be less in control- as with Joanna, and perhaps with beverly. To have two friendly women coming to meet me in my 'clubhouse,' and having to say to one, "I'll talk to you more later!" well. The difference between being the one starting things, and have others start things. Now, with Joanna, it is her always starting things, because she knows I'm almost always free, and up for her suggestions. She may come with me to a quaker meeting some sunday- and that would be my idea-- and anytime we just meet and wander around, well, that is what I like to do.

That's the only news for today so far. Though I did dance, and stretch, exercise, and meditate in front of the NYPL for a good while this afternoon, because that is a good thing to do, and to enable myself to sit still in the library while still feeling reasonably healthy. Spent more time looking into progoff--very interesting, but not sure what to read first, and I guess I'd prefer with everyone I read to have them boil down all their writing into something short--a sort of guide to themselves and their work. Clearly I do not do that. Yet. Trying to make progress in getting the old website restored, with some new additions. Focusing on dealing with scanned images in particular. Downloaded GIMP for windows today.

Began looking for new place to live.

In meditation (or what might pass for meditation to some people) wanting to escape from the tyranny of the eyes as the centering points which situate where I perceive myself to be. Trying to lose the eyes to move away to them, and closer to that point- body center according to leonard in his Aikido book- 2" below the navel. Other things do happen in "meditation" and I may be spending more time working with it--it really is the essence of doing nothing. The weather is nice now, and is pleasant to sit outside. Perhaps I will sit on the roof, when I feel like a break from the front of the NYPL.

No I'm not really in control with these women friends--always dependent on them choosing to co-create whatever I might suggest. Just the sense that none of this would have happened without my initiative. With Joanna that wasn't really the situation. Nor really with beverly, or rachel, or nathan, or ed, or chrissie, or peter, or hal, or that woman dancer with her hair like bjork who I hope does not forget to send me an email about her performance this month.

I'm not making much progress on that site. But succeeding in falling asleep.

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