Wed 08 May 2002 04:27
Alas, I overate last night, but without disastrous consequences (though my stomach is still pushing up unpleasant-tasting partially-digested remnants of that overeating, which I spit out into a dish).

Overeating partially due to having eaten so little during day?

I can do and have anything. What do I do and have? What do I ask my servants to do?

The doing and having of anything is meaningless without relationships with people I value and respect, and without myself being someone I value and respect?

There will always be unknowns.

Wilber's vision is unsatisfying?
He says the silence/experience of one taste motivates involvement in the world? But without discussing a direction/ an effect for that involvement? (I need to finish his books)

It seems like we can also separate human occupations based on his scheme: All the occupations will always be there, but there will be fewer of certain kinds. There will be a leading edge where new money-fetching positions will be created. Many of the others will be left behind/replaced by non-human entities (extensions of humans), as the progressing of all that is continues.


relationships with the entities we create.

asimov's robot series.

relationships with/interaction with flesh humans will be valuable; they will no longer be necessary.

I want to study communication.
I want to study what progress is. Solid knowable progress. Building up of a knowledge base which can be and is accessed.

prb in software development/qa.

when I am 80 I will want to have done _________

What is the next step? I have lived in NYC.

All the support is necessary.

o I want to study software and artificial intelligence. Means of making sense of information, means of emotion, means of valuing information.

o I want to be able to live wherever I choose, and move whenever/wherever I choose.

o I want to have relationship with whomever I choose (who also chooses me--distance should not be a concern/moving should not be a concern in relationships)

there are no values conflicts. Which is more important?

servants, please come here.

find and summarize for me current & relevant past thinking and levels of understanding of affective computing.

ok, here are these things you should be aware of:

tell me how I can most effectively contribute to this area of work.

find and summarize for me current & relevant past thinking about how information, human work, can be sorted according to value. and how information, valuable or not comes to be propogated. And how the rates of propogation of valuable information might be different from propogation of nonvaluable information.

tell me how I can most effectively contribute to this area of work.

how to sort information by value?

Youth, you will find this information most engaging and valuable.

can that ever be said?

Youth says, tell me more about this:

servant responds.

Says, teach me how to do this:

servant responds.

How do I learn to do this:

servant responds.

Youth is in world. Question starts with youth/indiv.


Indiv: I want to know what experiences this group of people has rated most highly.


Is purpose of human to learn?
Why?

greatness of wilbers vision is that all sub-levels are necessary, necessary to be able to access as we continue.

(in otherwords, I should get to swimming--it is necessary for my other work).

I should meditate,        "             "


So I am really interested in that entity which can understand and respond to what question?

cataloging awarenesses of value?

vision!

only lack of vision.

even in academia, without vision, I will still be working on others' visions, not my own.


I am excited that my computer program will have rendered many images, when I get to work today.


though my vision can be to help them.




resolved: Lets start learning more about:

artificial intelligence.

programming methodologies.

modeling of human brain capabilities. (neurons etc.)

methods of sorting and valuing information (search engines, journal review processes, canons, excited friends, how hal finds most valuable information)

methods of getting human constructed entities to perceive and experience/express emotion.

methods of teaching valuable information (schank)
methods of communicating valuable information. (shank, de bono, everyone)

what thinking processes/means of dealing with information/environment do humans find value in learning (e.g. de Bono, 6 thinking hats, wilber: persistence, what else?)

How individuals find information that is valuable to them/ information they value. How do I find information and experiences they value.

the nature of the experiences people value most(?- is this not understood well enough already?)

start reading journals-- which journals?

methods of social change: progressing to an environment in which more people make it through wilbers/spiral dynamics levels? More dreamers? more people working on the problems I am working on?

still need to refine areas of focus?

dance exercise...

How best & most rewardingly to spend my time that is devoted to non-maintenance levels (every maintenance level is devoted to non-maintenance), but that time which could not be said to be devoted to maintenance (no time fits that category either--time spent thinking this way is also maintenance).

How best and most rewardingly to spend free mind time- time in which the mind, not body,  not

not separable?

There is a class of activity I char as-- this-- pondering and typing. Or reading others thoughts.. Communication with self and others?

Figuring out unresolved problems...?


shut up and let intuition guide? I will go to queens today and get happiness purpose?

I will keep reading slashdot?

Eventually will be choosing journal?

I will keep studying computer prog?

I will keep looking into ai research and AI programs?

education methodologies (self teaching, teaching systems- schank)?

information cataloging and sorting by value?

return to research ideas in Dreamer?


How can I add something most valuable? Most valuable contribution? (by my standards, and some others?)

as a maker of communicating systems, systems communicating what I find most valuable, like the people I've learned from- their systems (books in many cases).

what information/practices/experiences have actually been most valuable to me? why? how? from that can I learn where to go next?
0612

2002-05-08-1416
I asked carmen:
"What have you learned that has been most valuable and how did you learn it."
I got off at 1:00 and now it's after 2:00, I was writing an email to Sophia!

but that just diffuses me, and now.
I could ride the subway to queens for a book.

But I know that won't solve my problem

Ideally, I'd say I was interested in something. I'd pursue that interest, and it would lead me to a way of making money I value and can do with Joy and relish.

There is the school that work should not be fun, it is a way to make money.

Then there are the delusionals who want joy, joy, joy all the time. When the Buddha himself said something like "life is pain." pain is inevitable, more likely.

I've got to get myself into a line of work that is building something I really love!!

Keep that feeling of joy in mind.

Joy in relationships.
Joy in doing incredibly cool things.--
like building the obstacle course at camp.
Like windsurfing.

That getting out of bed and being so excited about what's about to happen.--so deeply loving what is about to happen rather. and what has happened.

Yes the physical environment matters.
Camp does have a lot to do with it.

There is also the issue of respect and mental challenge.

There is a reason I collect so little stuff.

An intellectual challenge that can last my whole life?

a reason to read the news to build things?.

An affective computer.


I've got to get out. What shall I do?

(1) Hit the road again, by bicycle or otherwise. Go somewhere else find new job.
(2) find new job. - bleah.
(3) Become homeless (not fun)

(4) Study computer science.
(5)

joy in dance.


Would I eventually be more interested in "systems neuroscience computation"
modeling of neural processes?

How does one not get caged in an area not quite one's choosing?

starting in september, then, computer science at CUNY?

Research.
What kind?

I learned a way to live (programming, in monterey)

I briefly tried another-- (teaching english in italy), didn't quite like it, came back here and found a research job, which is quite nice.

Am I missing out on considering good alternatives?

solution is lack of creativity...

considering other alternatives?

I really don't want to lose the mind element of the work, the constant learning.

At the same time, the convenience of computers is hard to beat.

In terms of allowing one to work without material posessions, anywhere. --not needing a complex lab, etc.

I would love to work in physical ways as well- windsurfing, dancing.

would love to wander around as well.

Do not see myself a teacher or media type figure.

----
The issue is, will the questions of computer science engage me?
or will I drift in other ways?
Urban design
politics
cultural vitality

I don't think so. except as side interests.

(looking at sophia's email)
Why do I like to be by myself so much instead of doing people-centered work?

I really did get quite impatient with others and decided it was best to work on problems by myself long long ago.


It does go back to the mind hunger thing.

I am a servant of the entity which is becoming--?

Well then,
If there weren't classes to take, what would I work on with computers?

I would work on affective computing.

I would work on information structuring/retrieval?

No, affective computing.

Won't that be annoying?

an affective computer?

why not work with people?

because people die, or go off some other way.

If you can create something incredible on a computer, everyone with a computer can know it.

perhaps, but mostly because I have a preference.

Really, people are a mess.
The truly great ones are rare.
and that doesn't mean they'll be great for me.

Do I wish to narrow myself to affective computing and away from instructional efforts like Schank's?

Yeah.

I really want to get at emotion.

I think if I could understand emotion-- i would understand something of what it is to be human.

Spending time with a computer on a uniquely human/(mammalian?) issue.

Something special about computers. unique experience of our time(?)/emergent.

So,
resolved?
I shall begin researching affective computing.

find and summarize for me current & relevant past thinking and levels of understanding of affective computing.

Starting?
tomorrow.
"Affective computing"
Know the researchers. Know the the research. Ask how you can help.
Learn to program. Learn to understand the work. Reproduce the work.?

Let's build something.

Will my mind be useful for this purpose, is it suited? If not yet, can it become so?

modelling c elegans. Like emotion. chemotaxis.

this is more subdued. It is not joy. It is determined working. It is not greatness. It is silence. Quiet.

You will need to work on neuroscience. Mathmatics.

Sure you don't want to just create images with words? like Proust?

won't be easy.
will never finish.

What is the alternative?

Human work does need doing/undoing in the political realm for societies to progress/stop regressing.

O.k. then. This appears to be something I can see myself doing.

I may not feel I have something I wish to teach to people, but I am able to teach/tell software to do things.

Are you going to be at peace now?
Are you going to wake up and know what you are doing?

Start at the top, work down.
still get de Bono's hp book?

yeah.
are you going to wake up and know what you are doing?

Yeah. The computer's ability to recognize emotion is learned, made by all the people it tested with. Working with that computer is working with essences of all those people.

The animators, and emotions as well.

what computers do will be so far removed from what you feel?

bio/hardware combinations--

living organism needed?

computational neuroscience.

What is going on in there?

I want the philosopher naysayers to say they were wrong.

Looking at some of it:
http://www.ai.mit.edu/projects/genesis/

Makes me think I will want to start with neurons./quantum computing?

Is silence going to work for you?

--
yes.
mind is quiet.

2002-05-08-1749

mantra/crystal

from At a Journal Workshop, 1992, Ira Progoff  
p345
If you remain only an instrument and do not become an interpreter, the atmosphere can retain its hold on you and keep you within it. In that way it becomes possible to record your experience even while you are in the midst of it and while the movement of interior events is continuing.


p346
The primary role of Mantra/Crystal experience is to give us a means of stilling and centering ourselves in relation to the continuity of our lives. Once we have constructed a Mantra/Crystal or two, we have a means of pausing in our life and quieting ourselves at any time.

"Walking at one with the world" is a Mantra/Crystal that I have used considerably in walking meditations. I suppose it could have a jogging or a running version for those who are more energetic.

p 353 testament

Anne!

p382
It seeks to maintain for the elusive subjectivities of our inner life an open space in which the processes of life integration can proceed objectively in the context of each person's experience.

But most fundamentally, the Intensive Journal process is our inner workshop, the place where we do the creative shaping of the artwork of our life.

Thank g-d!!!!!

William is lonely. Don't tell him I told you.

I'd be surprised if he wasn't.


[yesterday...]
he [not william] has me say that he lived here, so he could get medicaid--oop! I didn't mean to repeat that! Don't repeat that! He could get in a lot of trouble.

he sure could!!



de Bono _The Mechanism of Mind_ 1969

.