experienceart/cleath/r326

Wed 17 Apr 1996 21:05
Oh god oh god oh god now, it was a choice to play the piano or the computer now. With one I have to deal with myself, the other only with the music and emotion, but I have to deal with myself first to make my mind shut up.. I want to cry but this is so stupid, I am just disgusted. I want to talk to a person now, I want to cry to a person now, but If there were a person here now, I would not do a thing, not a thing, not for anyone. Not for the most special. Individual is different alone than with people, but cannot be quiet with the wrong people and so I must get away alone. I

I stop, close my eyes, look down. Rub my eyes with my hands, see the colors. think, I could be playing the piano now, but I want to bother others, I cannot just

be myself, I cannot just write on paper, because it is meaningless you It is memory. this is memory this is me talking to you , and It is all that matters to me,

I am doing nothing I want to do nothing

I will dream

topic:
forward, starting back
the chill, of sanity
Sharon, the girl I spoke to the first day of last quarter
And the business man, lab partner physics first quarter. I forget his name, I think it is Tom but I am wrong, check the first emails I wrote when I was here, that summer, but I deleted them
ask mom, if she has my old emails- asked. His name is tom, but I have to remember his last name for it to matter.
Keegan, so I remeber his name
Mike dto
Alan, John windsurfing bull,
And then I saw her again, so I sit around and become AI for the
I hate to forget so I remember, or I don't pay attention, if they do not matter to me yet, or I write it down, so I can remember it when they are not here to ask
so, I remember
tho- Tom T
here his is and this is the best I can do now,
[/rc03/d42/cleath]% f t
<stuff cut 7/6/96>
Ashley
Lee
Matt
Kristen
Kim
Sharon
and that is all in that class

College:       College of Arts and Sciences
Department:    Near Eastern Languages and Literature
Curriculum:    Hebrew
Course Num.:   HEBR 411, 412, 413
Course Title:  Elementary Modern Hebrew
Credits:       5, 5, 5
Instructor:    Sokoloff
Course Desc.:  Modern Israeli Hebrew. Core vocabulary, grammar,
               conversational text, and oral and written communication.
               Excerpts from modern Hebrew prose and poetry.  Cannot be
               taken for credit if 401 taken. Prerequisites: 411 for 412, 
412
               for 413 or equivalent. Offered:.
summer
 3612 SPAN  101A A ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40                   
  3613 SPAN  101A B ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3614 SPAN  101A C ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3615 SPAN  101A D ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 9:40-11:50
 *3616 **WD**101 TA ELEMENTARY                 MW  6:30- 8:50
  3617 SPAN  102B A ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3618 SPAN  102B B ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3619 SPAN  102B C ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 9:40-11:50
  3620 SPAN  103A A ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3621 SPAN  103A B ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF10:50- 1:00

for some reason I am turned off by arabic and am loving judaisim ingrown inborn irrational stereotypes. I imagine you are looking at this as I write, or just about to, so I often update the file,

Document 3
College:       College of Arts and Sciences
Department:    Near Eastern Languages and Literature
Curriculum:    Arabic
Course Num.:   ARAB 411, 412, 413
Course Title:  Elementary Arabic
Credits:       5, 5, 5
Course Desc.:  Study of grammar, with oral and written drill and reading 
of
               simple texts.  Cannot be taken for credit if 401 taken.
               Prerequisites: 411 for 412, 412 for 413. Offered:.

I love the girl at the acc thismorning, printing out an important and long paper on foreign affairs, beyond my understanding, she had freckles and long hair, and, no surprise now, reminds me of kd. She smiles and is so humble, and I can never be, I can only be sad

Under the rabbi, rabbi dan, am so self concious, so arrogant or something, I am not really, but g-d I feel sort of wrong when I try to talk maybe, not really,
Don't!
You!
Love!
the!
solidness of this

Adele, fidele, Sidal, maybe I will learn her name someday,
Black hair from israel a full lowver lip, foreign speaks Hebrew more than english, grew on Kibbutz , she lived there, and I think of Disposessed,

more studies for you Reconstructionist Jewish leader is my man, and I think my hero,

add A. Lloyd Weber to historic, change historic to storic, 'his' sucks, A.L.W. for Evita, I love her, I love him for her

I love Maddona, how is she doing in argentina, find out for me, find out for me!

To have the genius to write a symphony, well

2177 HEBR 470 A INTENS ELEM HEBREW 16 MTWThF 9:40- 1:00

I want this class more than I want the spanish now, because I love sidal

Summer Quarter 1996 
------------------- 
 UWIN Time Schedule available      February  22, 1996
 Printed Time Schedule available   Mid-April,    1996
 Registration begins               April     29, 1996

 First day of full-term and A-term June      17, 1996
 Last day of A-term classes        July      17, 1996
 First day of B-term classes       July      18, 1996
 Last day of full-term and B-term  August    16, 1996

Autumn Quarter 1996 
------------------- 
 UWIN Time Schedule Available      March     21, 1996
 Printed Time Schedule available   April     26, 1996
 Registration begins               May       10, 1996

 First day of classes              September 30, 1996
 Last day of instruction           December  11, 1996

memory


 1497 CMU   201A A HST OF CMU & JRLISM  35 MTWThF12:10- 2:10                   
  3972 CMU   202 YA PHENOMENA OF CMU     35   TTh  6:30- 8:20
  1498 CMU   203  A MASS CMU & SOCIETY   35 MTWThF 8:30- 9:30
  1499 CMU   320  A LEGAL ASPECTS CMU    40 MTWThF 9:40-10:40
 >1500 CMU   322  A REPORTING                 TTh  9:40-11:50
 >1501 CMU   328  A NEWS LAB                   MW 10:50-12:50
  1502 CMU   330B A PRIN PUB RELATIONS   25 MTWThF 9:40-11:50
  1503 CMU   340B A INTRO ADVERTISING    35 MTWThF 9:40-11:50
 >1504 CMU   349  A ADVERT INTERN              By Arrangement
 >1505 CMU   399  A E.J.INTERNSHIP             By Arrangement
 >1506 CMU   418  A ISSUES IN MASS CMU        TTh 10:40-12:50
  1507 CMU   418A B ISSUES IN MASS CMU   30 MTWThF12:10- 2:10
  1508 CMU   422A A JOURNALISM AND LIT   30 MTWThF10:50-12:50
  1509 CMU   423  A JOURNALISM ETHICS    25 MTWThF 8:30- 9:30
  1510 CMU   469A A CHILD & ELEC MEDIA   35 MTWThF 9:40-11:50
  1511 CMU   475A A CMU INTL RELATIONS   35 MTWThF 9:40-11:50

3612 SPAN  101A A ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3613 SPAN  101A B ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3614 SPAN  101A C ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3615 SPAN  101A D ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 9:40-11:50
  3617 SPAN  102B A ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3618 SPAN  102B B ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 8:30-10:40
  3619 SPAN  102B C ELEMENTARY           24 MTWThF 9:40-11:50

1498 CMU   203  A MASS CMU & SOCIETY   35 MTWThF 8:30- 9:30
3972 CMU   202 YA PHENOMENA OF CMU     35   TTh  6:30- 8:20

I don't want to take another econ class, so I don't want to do Int studies, tho I want to write and think about important stuff, like that girl this morning at the ACC

Sappho's great. and I think how much fun she has, or anyone, with John Asante, and I feel poor company, and I am.

the cmu dept seem's all messed up to me, and this online info is not current.

I don't want to mess relig by learning about it in school, its about people, but I need to knot the stuff, so I take it

James Joyce

Course Num.:   CMU 200 
Course Title:  Introduction to Mass Communication
Credits:       5
Quarters:      A, W, Sp, S

check that, is it wrong?- they've changed it all let me find out tomorrow- I have no working to do.

I need to know the stories behind the religions.

relig

 3468 RELIG 220  A INTRO NEW TESTAMENT  42 MTWThF 8:30- 9:30
  3469 RELIG 240  A HEBREW BIBLE         30   MWF  1:10- 2:40                   
+ 2784 NEAR E240  A HEBREW BIBLE         15   MWF  1:10- 2:40
  3470 RELIG 324  A EMERG CHRISTIANITY   43 MTWThF 9:40-10:40
  3471 RELIG 380  A RELIG NATURE&STUDY   35   TTh  1:30- 3:20
+ 1462 CHID  380  A RELIG,NATURE&STUDY   10   TTh  1:30- 3:20

Course Num.:   RELIG 380 
Course Title:  The Nature of Religion and Its Study
Credits:       5
Instructor:    Jaffee, Webb
Gen. Educ.:    I&S
Course Desc.:  Study of religion as a general human phenomenon. Manner in
               which different methods of inquiry  phenomenology,
               anthropology, sociology, psychology, literary criticism,
               archaeology, philosophy, theology illuminate different 
aspects
               of religion and help to shape our conceptions of its 
nature.
               Recommended: 201 or 202 or other course in the history of
               religious traditions. Offered: jointly with CHID 380.


Department:    International Studies
Curriculum:    Comparative Religion
Course Num.:   RELIG 324 
Course Title:  The Emergence of Christianity
Credits:       5
Instructor:    Williams
Gen. Educ.:    I&S
Course Desc.:  Studies stages in the development of Christianity as a new
               religion, during the first to fifth centuries CE, as the
               classical forms and institutions of Christian "orthodoxy"
               gradually achieved definition, and as this emerging 
Christian
               tradition became a dominant cultural and socio-political 
force.
               Recommended: 201, 220, or HIST 307.

I think I will just stick to judaism because the rest are so complicated, and maybe I am likeing white non christian people only. cause I don't feel threat compet.

I do like Indians, both from india, and south america, but the eastern seems so far away, I don't feel like going there, like I might to israel, or to S.A., but not really to S.A. because I don't think I'd fit in.

Fit in, but israel like everyplace is becoming americanized, americanized the bad way first and that is killing me, or so I overreact

The israelis are evil you know, killing the lebanese, and so the lebanese are evil killing the israelis? I do not now

the Kibbutim go to plastics now instead of agriculture disgust, they want to come to america and so I will if I leave, I think I am sure.

Moving places does no good h-way says he tried that and cannot escape himself, He killed himself in 1969, I will pretend

[Article: Hemingway, Ernest from Grolier's Electronic Encyclopedia excised 2002-02-03]
          Hadley Richardson, whom he married in September 1921. In December
          they sailed for France and for 19 months occupied a walk-up flat in

walk-up flat, what the hell is that-

          leader of the so-called LOST GENERATION. Hemingway's next two

yes 
he renewed the copyright, damn him bless him
         collections of stories were Men Without Women (1927), which included
afraid to be that afraid to be without women     

          more stories related to Nick Adams's informal education (notably
          By this time his second marriage had ended and he had purchased La
          Finca Vigia, an estate outside Havana, his residence for 20 years

cuba, Jackie

         U.S. entry into World War II, Hemingway armed his cabin cruiser,
          Pilar, and spent two years hunting German submarines in the

Pilar, Pilar, I love you Pilar

          Caribbean.  <!!!!!!!

          Shortly before the Allied invasion of Normandy, he moved to London
          as war correspondent for Collier's. Here he met the journalist Mary

          Hemingway's physical and mental health were now seriously impaired.
          In 1960 he left Cuba for Ketchum, Idaho, where he had recently
          acquired a house. Despite repeated hospitalizations, he failed to
          recover fully and killed himself with a shotgun in his home.

Tell me more 62 years what it means

          Carlos Baker

          Copyright notice: Copyright by Grolier Electronic Publishing, Inc.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Julia,

Justine ~

Des, Desiree

I came back here, and so much is going I couldn't cohere about anything, still can't
I came here knowing one thing, that is family, is life
Hemingway did not live
am I right in saying that
Sidal: It is a good place to grow up and get old
get old live fast die young

"death old
young fast
but so because I think so"

for me now so sure it is family, it is friends, and all I think of is future, and I am afraid I go about things all the wrong way.

Mordechi Kaplan, I don't know if he's the reconstructionist one, I don't think he is

so I want them most of all, I don't want to be here writing, I want to be with you, who I am writing this for, and what will we do being together, and will I calm

I walk down the street yesterday, a beaut, wind, wild cloud day, and I see women and, sometime, they see me, I cant imagine they look, but I do, and I see so many and for some reason, I want to know them all, I want to love them all, I want to know them well enough to love them. And now, I know none of them and love all of them.

I want to know some crazy fucking girl, more crazy than me, and I want to pretend I can help her. I want her to be more sane then me, and I want her to help me, see Imogen, a person who I cannot be and is in another world already, so I guess not her.

And I think that is all. I know I am wrong, but that is what I think now, and I know it does not work, so all I think of is the future, and I see there is no future so here I am.

You know I will do no work, I will drown

I take the past, today

I did not say hello to Jody, she came in the lab, me thinking not to bother her, I feeling bad, cause were I her, I would want me to say hello-

but the only model I have is my own,

but what right do I have to apply it to the world

so I do every right the in there vers out here real life is only what I know and what I create, that is real

Hi, Jody

I did not say anything to the chris reminding girl, and why not? what would I say

extroverts are on average more happy whether alone or with others, what am I , I am what ever I want to be, but what am I when I stop trying to be?
(S.A. Apr 96 or mar?)

This is the old stupid lonliness thing, nothing new, we've been here before new scenario, new self, so, new.

When I am in love I do nothing but babble, when I am not in love I do nothing but

Sharon, I said, maybe you could go now if you wanted, was that the wrong thing,

I have no Ideas, sure, only my own guesses as myself as her

damn you don't say that, I want to stay here with you

she's a sor. girl, I am afraid, and what do I say when time comes,

are you

so Hiem comes by, and I am with person, and I am different then,

He is different, and I think, I could be real friends with him, from the time I was in fourth grade
I am real friends with him, already, but he leaves soon

and, could be more
but! the! only doubt is myself and that is all the doubt there is

different alone, that with

can be with people and still alone,

what makes two people who can be with eachother and together

You know the whole world reads this, I imagine they do, so they do

I tell them not to tell me they do, and the whole world is good so they
don't

If they did I would run out of time

but I don't know what I expect you to do when you read this, Mom, charles,
Hiem, j.e. sure you will

just read then write your own, imagine the whole world reads, and I do

Really I never will

I only care about being with you not reading your - when you are gone and I still want you, and I think wanting you has purpose I will read you If only for escape, like H-way now.

Really you never will read this,

to us it matters what we imagine, what we imagine is real to us

what matters to others is only what we do to them with them being with
them

prayer does not matter except to the person praying, and to them it is
real

me imagining I can think of you, love you and you are better for it, is real to me and has no effect at all on you

C rumplestiltskin thought of me, and I thought not of her, and

-
so are you still in engineering? and she is, and I explain I am not, and that I have no clue, that really she is what I am studying now, and all I want to study

but I will say I am not sure, and I will be studying languages, and communications, so I can communicate with more people, and love more people

and really I know all that does not matter, if I cannot do it with the people I have here it will be no different in another language

so goes

Sharon

further back further back, every girl on the street I want to remember

the one like the one in the movie '84

the ones that smile real smiles, when I am alone, and for an instant (need a new word) I am with

go back,

the plane ride, the airport,
the bus, the girl at the airport bus stop, the girls on the bus

the crazy woman, the sad woman, the loser woman in the bus tunnel, I am all those things too, or just pretend I am crazy to think i'm special, so I talk to her and she is nice

Matt shave head cause losing hair
jenny smiles, is nice to me

the two jewish girls, there is something about some jewish girls, that one, one, like glamor sort of, remembers name after seeing me for all of about a second. The second or third time I have heard hers, I still do not remember

what am I thinking when she says her name, all conciousness of myself, I think, would like to think of her, all I remember is eyes hair lips legs, and not well, I cannot put them togther now, cannot put them together now, like I can sharon's, cannot chris's either

further back,

I need to go the lab is closing, so I spend this time in the past, like thoreau, in Walking, says not to.

good night

.

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