Sat 22 Jun 1996 15:54
Hey, Folks-
How can I get this started?
I am doing this because I think it is the best I can do at this moment. I
want you to ask the question, 'What is being?'. I want to ask why am I
doing what I am doing. And realize, that if there is an answer, there must
also not be an answer.
I want to be with people, and do nothing more than be with them.
How can I get this started?
I am doing this because I cannot do anything else. I see you, a person,
and I want to be with you, but I cannot be with you unless you are a
certain way.
If you are not an individual, if you are not yourself, I cannot be with
you.
I don't know what my psychosis is- or if I have one. I have decided that
being with other people is the most important part of life.
The question is, what is being?
to me the question is, what are other people?
How can I do this?
I want people who ask themselves why they do what they do and find no
answer- that's not possible.
I want people who have decided that they do what they do because they want
to be with other people to tell me what they are doing.
Or, if you think being with other people is all, and you want to try, I
want to try too, let's meet this Friday.
Prerequisites to Being:
Prerequisites to Being with other people, actually:
Hey, this is just a guess-
Being with yourself- but you cannot be with yourself unless you are with
other people.
The idea is, if you are a part of a group, you are not entirely yourself.
Part of you is part of the group, together you have created a being that
is not yourself, but of which you are all a part.
I don't want to create a new group, but realize one that already exists:
humankind. I want to meet people that are first and last a member of
humankind, then a member of their respective group. Is there any point in
this unless your group is free from oppression? I don't know. But by being
a part of a group less encompassing than 'humankind', - uh, impending flaw
in logic?
To be with other people you have to be separate. You cannot have
togetherness without separateness- to be separate, you have to be
yourself- you as creator-
You as the most beautiful manifestation of our society.
I have been incoherent too long, I am incapable of making sense.
The question of living.
I live to love. Love is the experience of unity.
Help-
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BEING
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What is it?
The below is pretty good, but I feel like writing something new.
Being, what is it?
I imagine you picking up this paper. I imagine you reading the first few
lines. I imagine you putting it back on the stack and walking away.
I imagine you actually taking it with you, and then when you have some
time, I imagine you read it, and look at it, and say, "Wierd." and feel
wierd.
I imagine you say, "Wierd," and smile. You read on, and then what.
You read on, and you stop to think. Then you start to cry just a little,
and you smile.
You are now, for the moment, incapable of doing anything. You feel as I
feel, and you understand.
You ask yourself, "What am I?". You imagine yourself dead, and ask
yourself, "What have I been."
You put it down, and try to go back to your work, but you stop. You want
nothing more than to be with someone else, whatever that means.
--
I am guessing that this will mean something to you, or I would not do it.
I am guessing that this will mean something to me, or I would not try it.
It could be my problem is much different, and my own only, not yours. I am
guessing that my problem is yours also. So I take the chance of being
wrong.
--
First, is there any point in living if you are the only thing in
existence? I say no, and feel also that there is no immediately apparent
point in living if I am the only human in existence in the present, past
and future.
Being is only meaningful if you exist as well as I.
There are two of us only. We are separate, from eachother and everything
else. What is the purpose now?
Sorry, we are just animals, we cannot talk, we can only work together for
our mutual survival.
--
I can only be with you inasmuch as you are separate from every group
except humankind. Its impossible now, is it?
I cannot be with you if you are Mormon first, because I am not Mormon. I
cannot be with you if you are Jewish first, because I am not Jewish. I
cannot be with you if you are Black first, because I am not black. (here's
an IF) I cannot be with you if you are white first, because I am not white
first (that's what I say, and, I feel it..). I cannot be with you if you
are an American first..
We can only be together if we are first and last human (what of the
animals? Sorry, we are irreconcilably different from animals, because we
can write. What of humans that cannot write? They can tell stories.
Suppose squirrels tell stories too? We as humans who have learned to
write are irreconcilably different from animals. We are unable to turn
from our path of increasing distance from? As we are increasingly
separate from our natural world, we are human, not animal more and more.
Our future is )
Sorry, this first and last human business is not working.
I cannot be with you unless you are are first and last yourself and only
yourself and nothing else. Only we who are unique, different from
everything else in existence (existence?- requires nonexistence), only we
can be together.
Not a problem. You are no matter what you do- no matter what you do, you
are separate, you are unique.
It is a conciousness thing though, you must be conciously aware that you
are separate from everything (everyone) else, to be together with other
people.
Here I am saying this, and at the same time hoping that my desire to be
(?) with you is the same as your desire.
This desire for oneness (sorry) is a characteristic of separateness. Just
as you are separate no matter what you do, you desire to trancend this
separateness, no matter what you think. How do you like that?
--
Simply 'being' would be enough if you were the only being. Since there are
quite a few beings, separate beings, 'being together' is all.
At the risk of turning you off I will ask what is 'being together', and I
will answer, 'loving'.
What is loving?
being together.
--
Here I am going to stop- I don't know what loving or being together is,
It is something we do, though. I am going to ask those who want to be
together simply to be together to come together. And those who want to
explore the ideas here further, too. I was thinking we could set the
meeting time this Friday at 6:00 in the Sylvan Theater, and if it's
raining, meet instead in the upstairs of that cafe in the hub (check
hours). If we meet in that Sylvan Theater, maybe bring something plastic
to sit on, and maybe try to eat something before.
In fact, the convocation of a group of explorers is the primary purpose of
this letter. I don't know if this will be a total flop, I don't know what
we will do.
I imagine this, if this gets that far, I'll distribute this stuff tuesday
morning, and probably most mornings each morning of the week. I may get
some emails.
I imagine going to this place, Sylvan Theater, on Friday at 6:00, probably
a little before. I will probably sit at the end furthest away from the
road, the end furthest away from the columns. I will maybe be the only one
there.
If someone else shows up:
We'll probably introduce ourselves to eachother, and then maybe lay back
on the grass and start talking about things, or just lay there and look at
the trees above, and the sky through the trees. I don't know. I'll
probably ask if anyone would like to help with the letter for next week.
Then time will go on like that. The people who come will meet people and
know people just because each person wanted to be with other people.
Will strange things happen?, will there be problems, if this thing even
continues?, sure, and I am intrerested to see what they are.
--
What if one hundred people show up? You're on your own. The people around
you (unless we happen to be meeting at the same time and in the same place
as some other people) are around you because they want to be with people,
with you in fact, and provided you are quiet some and talk some maybe, and
be always, the other people will probably continue wanting to be with you.
You could, perhaps, bring a quiet guitar and play, or bring some drums and
beat, or a harmonica, or whatever. I don't know how it goes though. I
don't know what it is to be together. I think it is enough to be together
just because we want to be. Can you be with each individual there as much
as you are with yourself? Can you feel each individual there as much as
you feel yourself? (just avoiding 'love' here), That may be a problem with
instruments, but I don't think so. Just as you can play, we can listen to
you play. Just as she can paint, I can love her painting, as her. What of
the person who is nothing but a brain on a life support system, and one
eyeball? What of the rock? If I start talking about loving rocks.. well, I
don't think I can be persuaded I love the rock as much as I love you,
although perhaps that is a later step in the pursuit of 'oneness'. I would
much rather love a person, than a rock. I would much rather love a person
with a body, than one without.
Is it possible that one hundred people come together and none feel left
out? Is is possible that if one feels left out it is because the others do
not know you? Does this work on a large scale?
There is never a large scale- there are always the persons immediately
around you. If they are open to you, nev. mind.
That is the problem- if we are all singing and you want to talk, I don't
want to be with your music, just with you? My music is me, man, sing with
me.
What if, every time we sing, but never ask these questions, never talk.
Unlikely. Who knows.
If you are a 38 year old businesswoman with 2 kids and a husband, will I
feel as much towards you as the 21 year old female student? No, the
businesswoman is (probably) not as separate as I. If you are a person with
a career you believe in will I feel as much towards you as the majorless
student? No, you are not as separate as I. Who is more separate than I?
The person in minority alone among the majority.
If we come to know eachother well, and a new person comes, what then? They
will feel fine, maybe better than we did, if we are all with them.
I don't know, I think music is a problem if it limits our approachability.
My vision is 100 people sitting/laying around on the grass talking to
eachother, looking at eachother, or watching the squirrels run around in
the trees, being separate together. The people will do this for 2 hours at
least and then stay on or go off to what ever the people want to do.
Actually the people will do what they want to do (more or less) no matter
what, so, heck, I don't know. I can only guess about what I will do.
We are real people, so who knows what strange things we will do.
Fri Jun 21 17:55:42 PDT 1996
I'm working on the idea of a paper, I just need to be clear about what I
hope to accomplish. I am also thinking of becoming a philosophy major,
but there is a lot of stuff I want to learn in the cmu and sp cmu
departments.
If you want to know, I'll tell you about my week.
About this paper, I need to be clear about what I hope to accomplish.
I want to be with people in a meaningful way. I want to have friends I am
able to get to know very well. I want to know other people who ask lots of
questions, who always question, I think, people who find their own way.
The question is are these people destined to be unhappy, will these people
always be questioning and never enjoying the present. Unlikely. We ask
questions with a goal, the goal of improving our experiences.
In general, the question we ask is the question of what is the
best part of life, what have we loved most about our own life, and what do
other people like most about their lives.
But does this thinking get us anywhere? -I will have to check art of
loving for the dissenting opinion that thinking is a nother level of
whatever.
The best part of my life has been when I have felt together with a certain
group of people, so then why do I spend all this time typing away by
myself? Because the activities of those people I could be with seem in
someway superficial to me. The activities I could be engaging in appear to
me to be less than living. A distraction from what we should be doing.
We should be creating, loving, being, not occupying our mind with games or
logic problems, but being.
The goal is to determine the best part of being and be that way more.
The goal is to determine a direction for the individual and collective
individuals. Collective society needs to work for a world where the
individual is recognized and appreciated as the most beautiful
manifestation of the society. Each individual should be appreciated for
herself, by herself and by the others around her. Conversation should not
focus on the superficial, but the immediate concerns and emotions of the
individuals.
What if this world is realized, what will it be like? People will focus on
their own selves and the people around them whom they can appreciate as
individuals. They will spend time with their own selves, with eachother
and for eachother. They will spend time exploring themselves and exploring
others, and exploring the world with others. The knowledge of one's self
and the knowledge of others will be the greatest attainment in life.
Yes this is a product of my aloneness, but I am alone for a reason. I am
alone because I do not want to be together superficially, for apparently
someother purpose. I want to be with other people simply to be with them.
What do people do when they are with other people simply to be with them?
Nothing and everything. But they are open about the purpose.
What would be the effect on society if the focus changed thus? People
would choose settings that allowed them to best be with other people.
Would people have professions- would people have professions? People would
-
so back to the paper. What would the purpose of the paper be? The purpose
of the paper would be to appreciate individuals and to encourage
individuality. The person who is a member of any group but humankind gives
up some of her individuality, sometimes gaining an incredible amount. But
this even is not necessary. The people of this paper will consider
themselves first members of humankind, and last members of humankind, and
then members of their respective groups.
How many hypocrites will we be? None I think- only we who are true to
ourselves can be true to others. Only we who respect ourselves can respect
others. But who knows. Probably just 1.
So my personal goal is this: I, with some help (or do I have individual
aspirations) produce this letter, and bring together a group of people who
are interested in putting these ideas in practice, and we will see what
happens from there. We will produce the paper to encourage others, but the
main focus will be the group and the meetings and the personal
interactions that result.
What will happen once this group exists? Will I drop the paper? It will
be short, always, only one page, so no big deal, and other people will
have something to write. If not I can draw pictures on it, I'm sure.
Ok, so you've published the first paper. You got up Thursday morning, and
distributed one box of paper to the various entrances of campus buildings
hmm, thursday, or wednesday? I like thursday best, though it seems a
little late for friday meetings. That means it needs to be printed
wednesday pm, and written by tuesday pm. Submissions by monday pm.
So I print this paper and distribute it, maybe getting some people to
help. Charles, Matt, David, Ask my morning Journalism class.
So what will be in this paper. I should think about this first. Is it
sustainable (I'm thinking of calling it The Being). Is The Being
sustainable.
I'm feeling badly, I told Brett I would always respond, but I don't often
respond to my grandma ann or my cousin. This is because I don't get much
out of responding, I don't get much out of their letters, I guess, and
they are so far a way.
Is The Being sustainable? The first time I will write about the purpose
for the paper.
Just called Mary, was a little wierd towards the end 'so what're you up
tonight' and then said I was doing nothing, just recovering. I wanted to
ask her about this, but then I thought I want to work this out better
before I start talking about it, but maybe that's not the best. I hate
doing that to people. I want to talk to her more, but what do I say?
Its a little stupid to make this so much my own, I think.
So the first time I write about the purpose of the paper. Then the idea
would be to get individuals to write about what has been most important in
their lives, and what they plan to do because of that, maybe,
Let's get started:
The Being Thursday July 27, 1996
The questioning
This paper will probably be available next Thursday as well; it is an
experiment.
The purpose of this paper to ask:
what is the best of life
how we can experience more of the best of life
how we can improve upon the best
and other questions.
My personal philosophy is this: The individual, you, is t
The purpose of this paper is to allow people who have these questions and
some ideas to meet and try out their ideas.
First: Is The Being Sustainable?
I can probably write about my ideas and experiences enough to
.