Fri 23 Aug 1996 12:00
10 to 4 and one against. So it was resolved by asking to play. There was a question there, and in a way, we came out all right. I always doubt about the future and so on.

There are a few questions, all of sanity.

One, how crazy is this.
Two, age.
Three, myth.
Four, Experience,
Five, wholeness.

It is a little strange. The first question would be wholeness, I think.
Or age.

What did we talk about. Family was fine, and past and sports and weather.
What did happen. Got it out of my system. She knows how it is now. I can die now.

Ever again? I am not sure. No doubt her friends are grads. Myth. Age.

Wholeness. This is a simple question of psychological well being. If we are around people too much, we need them less. The more people we can speak to the better we can go on. But even when there were many people, I was looking for something more among the many, and that is simply. Damn why am I so sad? So I can go on now. Still wondering.

Yeah, it's always wondering. It's out of place. She is a person who is here, all of the time.

The difference though makes it tough all of the time. All of the time.

Age, Wholeness. Sara was right, get whole first, and that is not too hard. But then, a person makes me not whole.

Afterward I was amazed at how much I loved and it was good, It is good. anyways. I was too sad, but that is how I am at this time.

I am not sure it gets any different.

Age. Is Mike any less sad? no. What is the age difference? Me and Melissa, yes, I have not met a wiser younger kid, except ryan and he's probably 10 years younger. Older people are someways different. Mostways not at all. One thing changes and that is the size of awareness. This can change it does not have to. It is good to be around people just as clueless as you who know they are just as clueless. I bet the grads are mostways as clueless, but they expect they are more. Am I the same. Is there something aquired with having lived longer no matter how much of an conforming idiot you are? Just more hoplessness, if you think about it, but many ways of not thinking are learned. You have the old guys as young as I am, but am I as young as the little kids? There are some old guys who can discover with me, and value me, but do I value the younger, the same? I think I am better than the Senior in high school, because I have felt and thought more in many cases, in many cases I am not right. This is not my situation now.

I am the younger, In the myth. I was thinking the great thing about being old is that I seem the same age as women and men who are much older. The field of playmates has increased. When I was in first grade, I played with first graders. The difference in grades was immense, or percieved to be. When I am a sophomore in college, I play with those as old as thirty-five, not for long. But these women, she could be 28. And maybe not for long, and not as good as friends anyways, the search.

All the women then are older. As then If I were more busy I would just go on doing and not thinking about it.

I don't know ever.

I do want to work on my paper. It is not as exciting as real life and real people and creating experience, but it gives me ideas. That is why I would rather think of people and potential. But I do not think much and do so much more now. Routine is ok, and routine is old. Like this soccer business. I don't look forward to it. But it is good to do, I am thinking.

I won't look forward to rowing as much when all the people are routine, they are lost then.

It is changed forever. And I am never quiet always looking for another.

We did talk about families, and what does that mean. Hell there is no way about it but superficiality I am sure.

I want to say families do not mean. But These are the people I have spent the most time with. It is my sisters who are the people I can always talk to and sound sad or be boring etc. It is those kind of people that mean.

I said the trick is to find the best experiences of life and make them part of daily life and that is all it is. It is people like those. And how to make them.

You need to see the person every day. The only way of that is like carolynn and david or the myth. My h is going. Hell, technical problems with the computer. It must be different than working with the person, you must be with the person simply because. This is what happens in relation. With sisters I am with them simply because. and so.

the end.

In communication there have been recent discoveries. One of the most interesting is the convergence theory of communication. This is the more time spent communicating with the rest, the more homogenized, the less entropic, the characteristic thoughts and actions of the people communicated between. The less time spent communicating, the more independent cultures, Ideas and actions occur.

11:30
Just to be an idiot, though I could call her now, I will imagine I am her. I think it would be cool if someone called me up, anyone, and just said hi, but I would hope for more than that. Yeah, I would like it better if she had a suggestion of something to do.....

So a walk or something, or a run. I don't know never mind.
I could have gotten Adar's number, but I did not, could still. Um clearly there is a tendency to theorize and daydream and not to act. Though not acting, in a perverse way is acting. When I think of what I have to do I would much rather give her a call.

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