Fri 30 Aug 1996 10:00
I realize all that I do now. I am able to type in this book because it satisfies another part of my brain and body, while the other is lacking.

the other is lacking.

it is still hell, but I am able to continue living.

Is this a good thing?

Is there any way out?

i realize all that i do.

call r
call s
call k

play soccer

call s2

I know what my problem is. I know I cannot do anything about it alone, except maybe eat.
I am alone, .


-- we are the source of all significance

this is more wrong, why make a statement

study the brain

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Thu 29 Aug 1996 20:00
This is not fun. One of the most painful tough times of my life. Separation anxiety from this person. If I can talk to her about it I will be cured, but I have to wait. For her to return my phone call, or whatever.

the bottling up of emotions.

It is strange that I must talk to her to unbottle my emotions, or to get this stuff out.

Writing it here does no good, and describing the situation and my emotion to denise would not change the percieved situation with you at all.

So I wait, and because tactile (as well as olfactory, auditory, and .

and because of some strange reason, I feel a heaviness an oppression in my chest between the belly button and the breasts, though mostly right below, the breasts. It is very annoying, and makes it difficult (or something else does) to not think of you.

Especially earlier, when I was rowing, and when I was waiting, this feeling became intolerable and I lapsed into the darkest of despair.

This is so wonderful. This keeps happeining to me, I need to learn to do something earlier before these feelings get so bad with beautiful people like you.

But there is a difficulty in doing that as well.

If this pain is necessary, that is ridiculous. Well, what are you up to now? 8:48

love,
Colin


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