Fri 13 Sep 1996 09:50
Seem sane now. Guess fairly ok, fairly secure that I have people to love for a long time, and now I can work on becoming well-respected for my contribution to understanding, or at least appreciated by a few for what I leave? Hmm, just wanting to do good work and have people see it's good work.
seen.
love Kristin, love Colin
Lis
R.

they're all Left-handed by the way.
not Amy
Mollie?
mm

and love.

crm f wht

'I prefer not to'

she shakes, jerks
shiver
--

L. cartwheel

she said, I don't know if I can say this.
sq

she shows me how to love,

and I share.

I am having difficulty defining this other need. I am not sure if it is different from the first. I am not sure whether it is evolution-based or if it is conditioned. Many of the people I interact with have careers. People who stay home and take care of the kids are often not respected as much as those who are doing scientific or scholarly research, starting businesses, and even those who work as lawyers or stock-brokers simply to make money (if there really are such people). People who go off to the country and live simply in a communal way are not as respected unless they are producing work of artistic or social value, like the Nearings or Andrew Wyeth. When I say, "not as respected," what do I mean? How does this situation relate to the human situation 4,000 years ago? Certainly I do not have to spend any time gathering or hunting, nor do I need to spend my time performing religious rituals. I could spend all my time interacting with people in the way I described above. 4,000 years ago, I would have had little alternative but to hunt or farm to keep alive. I think I can say it is characteristic of humans that we are always attempting to improve our situation. I think I can also say that in spite of all our efforts, the general situation never improves, it only changes. Though I also believe that if questions like the ones addressed in this paper are shared by all people, our general situation can improve. So there is a general hope for an improvement in situation. There are times when we feel it can never get any better, though.

The great difficulty is our awareness of the passage of time.

It seems I cannot completely fill the basic loving need unless I persue a career in research, most likely of the neurobiological, neuropsychological, social psychology and philosophic kind. I think this is because the people I am around are oriented this way. I also think this is because I believe I know all the answers to a perfect government, so diplomatic positions would be nothing more than attempting to put into operation what I alrea
iF i were around a bunch of IS students, is that what I'd be interested in? No.

There are a certain bunch of fields that are only reactions to new advances,
in communication, mostly.

I don't know.

I am unable to explain the need to have a research related career. First because I have so little experience of it, although I do have experience of knowing people in such careers. But also because it seems so out of the blue. Unless you consider


I also have a need to be recognized by the people I love as doing something meaningful with my life. The best way to do this is to continually and perpetually be doing research, this way, I will often have new discoveries to share, and while I realize the research never ends, research can extend our capabilities and increases our understanding of our existence. I think my focus on research can be attributed to several aspects of my environment. The people I respect the most are research oriented, specifically those who extend their research to many aspects of their lives. For example, Scott and Helen Nearing questioned not only the political structures of the world, but also the way people build houses, provide for a healthy and secure existence, and obtain food. I have had questions about the best way to live (I once thought it was windsurfing), the best way to eat, and the best way to love. I read about other people's efforts in these areas, considered my own feelings and my own situation, and attempted to act in the best way.

Perhaps there is an actual physical need to do continual research, to continually test new ways of existing with the hope of gaining a greater understanding, or increased capabilities to control our environment.

I am having trouble determining if there is a basic need behind wanting to

I would like to have a meaningful job

.