Sat 28 Sep 1996 22:10
lost more was working on vitality of all activity,

but went on a run with the old laptop, and it lost standby mode again

Rebecca RS

Met with other RS, becky

good today

drugs, from Stranger

Cocaine, fine, but addictive, ?

lsd, psylocobin whatever mushroom, ok

which was yours?

more books

Rebecca,

sleep,
love,
Colin

smell of my sweater reminds me of her
.

Fri 27 Sep 1996 16:14
I am quite behind. I am attempting to deal with circumstances. Quite not too
understandable

Loving Kristen, but what is best for her.

I do not think I could be with her as one person for the rest of my life, but could be, I am
wrong. I just need to ask her what she feels and what she needs, say.
Not a person needs to be unhappy.

there was an eclipse last night.

With Rbec, seems to work, well. And if it were not for me thinking I could be with her for a
long time,

For sure I would not be as content as I am now. Kr is too insecure, I am too insecure with
her that because.

That's it.

There is an intensity with Kr because, because I think, she needs so much and when she
gets it

feeling is wonderful, when she is calm, and really herself and so sincere and
communicating.

And what is it that I need? It felt so incredible to hold her and be close,

and I have rarely been in such a state of calmness,

as after a hard cry,

Walking along, and the whole world is on a higher lvel, I am rather on that pleasant level of
stim, and the aversive is gone?


Well, I do have a paper to write, times are getting short, I have done little work as I take
care of physical needs and need to be with Rbec, I need to see her. I won't die, but it is
good.

Tomorrow I get to row, maybe copyed later, and visit with Rebekah around 4 maybe.


time is short,

not much to say, I take care of most of it by talking now.

Always wondering what I will find that is vital.

I love you all.

I want to love each person who wants to be loved,
and there is one of me,

I need these people so much, I will be very sad if one leaves. sad.

Like Kr,

so you lose the closest, how are you now? not so wonderful, but that is life.

Is there no reason to be unhappy then. There is and she does go somehow, and I am left,

I need those people all these people to visit and see,

I need people

many people do,

well I know and I can understand my sadness as one leaves, and I can know what is
needed,

and that we all need.

It is not too tough a need to take care of.

quietly.

I wonder how R's dad met susan

I will talk to you later.

Love,
Colin

.