Sun 05 May 2002 06:18
Just thinking this way:
I fantasize having sex with you and (but)
...then thinking of the and/but remembered Sophia Touslakias (~) who I met in San Remo, Italy, and _now_ remember, now that we have left, lives/lived in MontrÈal and attended Concordia, like my sister.

I was making the point to not use "but" in a conversation (nice, long, till 1AM or so conversation), and she liked that. It would have been nice to see her again. I shall try to email her when I return.

mind numbing driving.

Must, unfortunately, take a break from learning how to think to return to progoff--also learning how to think, but the book is not so well, or simply and clearly written, so suggests a lesser understanding of how to think & less time spent thinking about the best way to think/communicate.

from At a Journal Workshop, 1992, Ira Progoff

In de Bono's thinking scheme that I am aware of to this point,
progoff's software falls alot under green?

nevermind, we're seeing the border guy now.
"where did we go?"
"Is the back open Ma'am?"

Looking through junk in back.
"I need the hood open as well."

Youngish guy with a shiny bald head.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

What does progoff have to tell me that will be of interest?
What is my goal in reading him?

He will show me how to use the process of journal writing in a transformative way.

He will show me how to use journal writing (his variant) in a way which assists me in creating wonderful experience...

Somehow when it comes down to defining my purpose for reading it as a goal, it all seems so meaningless.

Really, progoff's work is potentially interesting and helpful.
How to get the most out of it?
He says, "Attend a journal workshop."
His son says "You can't get all this from books" (training to be a journal consultant

We almost hit a deer running across the road. It was not more than 20 meters in front of us, while we were travelling over 120 km/h.

120000m/3600s

if the deer had left the left side of the highway less than a second later, or stopped in the middle, things could have been different.

I want to get back to programming again.

Progoff's work has been valuable already because it emphasizes an orientation, a listening, a type of meditation. And also on his choice for areas of focus--I remember: work, relationships, spirituality, thoughts about time. Some of the exercises he reccomends.

Can probably just use the table of contents to get the main ideas of progoff's book.

shakespeare lecture is on again, so-

p235
Summary of present spiritual position.

my spiritual position?
Is it helpful to consider?

shylock (the stereotypical jew); the stereotype represents parts of us.
tolerance can be a condescending attitude. we must forgive because each of us require forgiveness.
shakespeare created him out of what lies in all of us.

from At a Journal Workshop, 1992, Ira Progoff
p235
stage ghosts were usually quite silly

how we arrived at our present position and the issues that are involved in the contents of our beliefs.

life felt along the pulse
intensity aliveness, shocks us, ambushed

memories and ideas may contain energy,

hamlet's start of astonisment- great theatrical moment.

process meditation is our awareness that we are cumulatively gathering data that will serve as an inner resource for us in the continuity of our work.

undeniable and
ambushed by reality which makes their discussions seem idle.

wittenburg 1502 founded in Renaissance- new humanist, 1st prof of theology was martin luther.
intell doubt char of protestant reformation.
catholic middle ages, voice of god was clear.

prot ref did away with intermediaries, left indivs alone to respond to a god who wasn't very well known. Not sure, not sure, not sure.
Prot universities.

and yet to me
pico's oration on the dignity of man.
what is this quintessence of dust.
nostalgia for the lost ideal.

the ghost- erase

rensance ghosts

ghosts conjured out of an unhappy mind.

multiple interpretations of ghosts.
cannot be a hallucination, but message could be.
confirm claudius' guilt some other way.

how to coordinate ideas with emotions.
young person's tradgedy.

he cannot get his act together.

horatio is not passion's slave
admire the passionate man, admire the stoic man, what will you do with yourself.

must like a whore unpack my heart with words.

happened to write the formal hand of a court secretary.

p238
What have been my primary beliefs during this period with respect to the fundamental issues in my life.
(does any of this really matter)

religion, personal ethics, political philosophy, social causes involvement.

What doubts do I have about beliefs that I have had in the past..
What wonderings and searchings, what deep thinking is taking place in me?

Have I had any strong inner experiences during this period?
In dreams or at religious services or in meetings of any kind, with drugs or meditation or in the midst of discussions?

kids reading debono's children solve problems
feudal scheme, great change of beings.

Have i had any special awarenessess at times when I have been alone?

Have I had any important prayer experiences either in privacy or in a group? Have I had any striking experiences that were not exactly prayers but might be considered the equivalent of prayers. [ a catalog of questions]

Have I had experiences that led me to feel that they had to be expressed in some form of art, as a poem or a painting or a song?

Have I had any moments of changes in my consciousness, a sense of deepening or heightening?  Have there been any moments when I felt that I was able to know something important and that I knew it in a special way?

[fantasizing about asking a woman if we my play with physical intimacy. realizing the fantasy. Questioning the fantasy. Noted already?]

Were there any times of really intense prayer, of spontaneously asking out of great need? Times of prayers being answered? Of waiting? Of being anxious and disbelieving during time of waiting.
(p 239)

why are people callous and cruel?

rewarding and responsive.

you have survived a fall of 1000feet-
the gods must wish you to survive.
deception seem unlikely- stage with bare boards and no set- this deception does work.
describing the cliff. verbal scene painting. Oberon describing the woods outside athens.
Glaucester leaps.
If they don't know the story.

Have I fallen or no?
The confusion works, we are made to share it.
the only cure for despair is delusion.

shock treatment.


4th act all those good things happen.

write, read written, write new.

starting point, sitting in silence.

p240
\Whatever its length, or its content, let it be a statement that expresses the bliefs and the issues that you most profoundly care about, as far as you are presently aware.

the issues that I most profoundly care about?
Once you have written it, it will be your base point, the point from which you will set your active expereince of Process Meditation in to motion.

Let us be in silence, therefore, reading back our orginal statement,and as we are ready, adding our second statement to it. Together they begin to form a tangible record of the inner process working in our lives.

issues you most profoundly care about.

I most profoundly care about--
clearly joanna, and others like her to me.
Clearly that is all, but it is a fickle pleasure, one which to be enjoyed requires many other things to be just fine...
we know, work, in this case.
The development of the mind refines teh experiencence of being with others,a nd also sets standards which another must meet  in order for time with them to be seen as more  time than time with an author. With ideas.

remind me not to ride in a car again.... especially with people I know.

ideas, new ideas the experience of having to focus on new things, think in new ways is also very important to me, but is meaningful only in that it is an occupation, and a necessary spacer between the time spent anticipating being with someone I love... And the game of loving.

roadkill. death is the highway. for me, and for the animals, and for the trees that used to live here.

The full life-- that is also a spiritual issue of intense importance--finding, understanding, and creating that zone of joy.

Where was i?
not a love for some people I just see walking by.

swarm of harleys

so, How much thinking about this is helpful.
gasoline.

a focus on the content of the life which makes the life valuable to me:
relationships.
if it weren't for the one--the state of which is uncertain, only an anticipation right now--
I want to see her perform. Now. and later?

was thinking of mutual real-time joy in eachother, more than mutual real-time pleasure in eachother of friends.
and with eachother, not perfection.
the maintenance is in the  The maintenance is in the history.

and also the asynchronnous joy in ideas of spending time, asynchronous time, with authors.


And the physical pleasures, but the two great meaning-giving pleasures are that in ideas, and that in intimate relationship with another person... uniqueley responding to the other, the other responding uniquely to me (in the context of herself).


Spiritually--knowing that those things are valuable to me, is really all that matters in a spiritual context. No more needs to be said.

Is it possible that no experience will be perfect? That there will always be slip-ps? Igredients whih  ingredients which  would not have been chosen, yet the expereince is undertakin, because it is belieed than on thewhole it will be a positive, challenging

fs
Ideally a vision ... yet with chaols?
will be developed which leads to life in the zone..
life in joy--that is my religion.
de bono's happiness purpose.
The philosophical underpinnings of this approach are no longer salient, I already established

as much as I care to that..kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkl
falling asleep here.

not wanting to sleep though. The mind-death of sleeping while highway driving. Keep that EEG Spiking.

do not want to toon out, but to keep progressing on exploration, discovery.

What is the great area of my currently expressed vision which needs more work?

WORK_

We need to be a great man, recognized as great for his contribution, paid for his greatness.

We need to have money to live without focusing overly on the physics of maintaining daily life.

We need to be able to move freeley. to live where I wish.
To have access to the information that I perceive most helpful to me at the time.

How to achieve this greatness? This greatness in work?


by being very good at something. An expert in some way. Expert knowledge.


inherently genralist.

What is the problem I am trying to solve?

the proble m of liviving in the world.


I think the answer lies for me with the Roger schanks, the Ed de Bonos, and computer science, and , and progoff.



computer scientists






The wanting to have control of bodymind processes. Like wilber, but not a master of unconscious-- a master or conscious--

well--

a master of communication, a master of human protocol.
a master of thinking and communicating about life.

a master of deconstructing and rebuilding individuals in a way they wish to be, even if they wish nothing.

redefining pleasure
redefining life goal
de bono is great fro emphasizing the idea as something used for movement. Progoff, for encouraging listening to one's silence, speaking out of silence.



each needs a personal quest.
some
don't care.

mom,
erin?
John



I can't see the screen.


That there are these mundane people?
that there are these non-wilbers

redefining why we are living.

actually definin why we are living.

rotating

a


With wilber--
the bell curve.
There are more people with a certain orietaion.
With wilber, hekkkkkkkkkj

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wake up!

warm relaxing peace dull dound of wind rushing y and rubmle of asphalt beneath.

we were meditating on sometihng important...
I'm hearing Tori- Amos again...


In the sub music..
should get her MP#s next Time I'm pluggged in.


what do I do with the forests, beaches, mountins,strem.

exquisite.

playing the keyboard in time with....

can you dance this way.
trance this way.

hold off!.

master of protocols, of human communication-abstraction.


nw I'm hearing the dance space
dance space center theme song
every
I go back home.
I don't know the words...

power is low..
a slow sad dance.

this is loving
if I had
dontcha notice
wont
on the
sweep me off my feet
so sweet

this is loving
et a list.


at least

at last.


this is lovin ate last


choosing music for dance

fight agaist the peace...
roadside carnage.

o


.