Sat 17 Aug 1996 20:00
LATE
I start to type and I stop feeling

Kristen, you are such a beautiful person. It is so good to be around you.
and I create my experience and I write my future and I do nothing.

If it were not for the stuff I have to do, these theories, I would be laying here dreaming, feeling. Watching the insect suspended from the ceiling, hearing the breeze in the leaves and thinking of one her or another. The actress, and recently the woman's friend.

What is best of all is that I have no comprehension of the world around me. I have no understanding. I have failed to construct a coherent view of existence. I know what means the most to me and it is, all these women. Not the men. The women, and I love them all. Everything I do, I do for them, and they come and they go and that is how it always will be. What is best of all is I have no comprehension of why. Of why she is the one who gives me meaning, of why it is woman. I know we both want, and I know we don't know what we want. Even, an animal is no substitute for a person, an animal is a companion, but why, why not yourself, and I have no answer. Your way is the right way, as is mine. Don't forget the human, you can still be lonely with a dog. What a problem. Why did I say. Lose your dog and look at yourself and look at me. Loose your religion and look at your world.

So we do what may feel right, but is it best. A dog, a pet is to me a poor substitue for the human to focus on, and involves a sort of strangeness. Mike said, unconditional love. I said, is it ethical to have a pet. I meant is it beautiful, aesthetic, is it moral, is it life, and you cannot say. Know the question.

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