Fri 03 Jan 1997 05:45
Wednesday, January 01, 1997 3:50 AM
The date sure isn't right. It's the third, 5:45 am
.
Wed 01 Jan 1997 18:40
Went to the river this morning and watched it flow by
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Tue 31 Dec 1996 11:10
interestingly, it was good to talk to a younger who had noticed me and I not him, and began to wonder.
It was good, well, lets go on.
.
Mon 30 Dec 1996 09:00
Wandering, as usual, wish for a freedom from thinking. Cannot wait for
school to start. Must find more people I love than Rebecca, I guess
because she's tough. Maybe I can run with the orienters, or find some
other runners. Maybe I can work on the Being Group ltd. though, well, I
guess that's best, but It will be a while before I publicise if I ever
do,
Seeking fucking intimacy, I guess that's the deal. It sucks, I don't
feel strong, whole or independent, and yet that is just a mental
choice. It is a marvel that I choose to be not content, but I think
that is because I want a different situation, and discontent is the
motivation to change. Discontent is the motivation to change.
Yeah, I don't want to worry about anything, just live thoroughly in the
present, yet I am not. Why am I not? It is because I am not in the
ideal environ, I could despair that I never would be, or I can be
patient, and work strongly to create it. I guess Being has a part.
Focus with it love. The group is what size? The group is who? Why is
she there? Time, I'm thinking it is time, yet focus. What is a
life-long friend?
What is a life-long friend? I wish david, I wish he were around more,
and not so distancing. It would be good to see him again. I hope I can.
Any body else? Sara's gone. I hope mollie. I'll get to see her again,
but she's so not-here it seems, rel, it's like I am not with her.
What does it take to be really with a person? The free love? That is why David. He's Awesome somehow, I don't know how
Any others of a number? And when I leave would I talk to those I left?
She talks to those she left, I don't know, maybe she lived with
themmmmm? Maybe she grew up with them.
I know that two disfuns don't make a fun, what what what am I to do?
This becoming loving whole is not so easy or quick, and no, no, no, it
is not just any person. Not just any person, but
where are those who I love. Is there a place I can go and find them all
there? Find my group, find my people. Or is there no such thing but
time, but time, and creation of the connections of these individuals
who I see once, maybe twice, and and and again?
saresoeak
arlingre
harcl
alowred hate
nippedd sex
wereing arm
heighted
I
eley o v e criste
ariuxtr sharl n
e x p irtht find
fine-
wound
arfluid
carlssreak
shock
glaring
glisstdrechres.
--
The nothing cake
.
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