Mon 20 Jan 1997
 
1/20/97
 
Dear Colin,
 
I have decided I do not like to write letters anymore in long hand. Sure I can scratch out a note, but I don't like to really try and communicate a thought that way. I feel more comfortable with a keyboard and a computer screen.
 
When I was in college I used to write a lot of letters. Of course, that was really the only way we had to communicate. Phone calls were too expensive, and hand held calculators, let alone word processors, hadn't even been invented yet!
 
So I wrote a lot. I pondered the meaning of life and the myths of our society. It was a time of anguish to say the least. Why didn't I feel a need for "religion"? What does it mean to be in love? What should I do with my life? What do I want to do with my life? Well, I fumbled with these questions as everyone must, and I rationalized some answers I could accept and live with. We must all find our own answers and get on with our lives.
 
The choices each of us makes are a function of our genetic makeup and the sum of our experiences. There are no right answers, only answers that are socially acceptable; and what constitutes social acceptability depends on your society. Sure, there are some fundamental truths like honesty and personal integrity, but the rest is pretty much open.
 
People who grow up with hunger and poverty make choices to rise above that basic level of subsistence. People that have grown up without want, such as we have, make very different choices regarding what is important to them. Today, young people in our society have a heightened concern for the environment, and rightly so. But in places like China, people are just beginning to raise their standard of living above the quest for basic necessities. A majority of the worlds population will be putting much greater demands on the environment as their ability to consume goods and services increases. Population growth and rising consumption in third world countries may end up destroying civilization as we know it. It may just take a little longer than global nuclear war.
 
So, is there a right way to live? I don't think so. I think the goal is to do the best we can, and "best" is a personal choice based on each individual's goals and aspirations. If one is standing on the moral high ground of his or her society, he or she can successfully work to convince other like minded people that certain choices have merit, and people may choose to follow. This process worked for Abraham Lincoln, but it also worked for Adolph Hitler. Hopefully, in the long run, people are more basically good than evil, and good prevails.
 
Life is a journey. The way you think and feel today is not the way you will think and feel tomorrow. Life is a journey of choices. Each choice you make leads to an experience. People grow and change as a result of each experience. Make the best choices you can. Don't worry and re-examine the choices. Go where they take you, analyze the new choices you are presented with, and move, hopefully, ahead.
 
I think it is also important to be tolerant of the choices others make. I don't pass judgment on other people's choices and label them as good or bad (unless of those choices are directed at causing harm to others). In a lifetime, we all do many things we personally judge as mistakes; we all do things we are not proud of because we are not perfect. Each of us has to learn to do the best we can with our imperfections. And, we have to try and forgive or tolerate, not point out or draw attention to the imperfections we perceive in others.
 
In my life's choices, I have learned to find satisfaction in being responsible. I am responsible first for myself and my actions. I accept the responsibilities that come with maintaining and providing for a family. I accept responsibility for work that I do. This means that society does not have to concern itself about taking care of me or my family. It means that my co-workers do not have to concern themselves about a deadline I am meeting.
 
Because of my genes, my environment or whatever, I am an inwardly motivated person. I do not seek or need the approval of others. Of course, it always feels good to be recognized for a job well done. But, I am uncomfortable with lavish praise, I am happy in my anonymity and find satisfaction from within. These are some of my personal choices on the right way to live, or I should say my way to live.
 
Some of your choices may be the same or similar because we share genetic make-up and experiences (at least until you left home), or, hopefully, because of my and your mother's example. And, many of your choices are uniquely your own.
 
You have demonstrated that you can take care of yourself You are asking the questions of yourself that I assume most thinking people ask, and for which each ofus must find our own answers. Some people are content with trivial answers, some people find their answers in religion. Some people feel they must search out more complete and personal answers before they can accept them, at least for the moment, and move on.
 
I think you are making choices that are right for you, and you are finding the answers you need. Personally, I am proud of what you have accomplished and are accomplishing now; and personally, I feel confident that you will make good choices for your life in the future. I think that is the best any parent could hope for.