Sat 16 Mar 2002 10:56
The need to eat less. Self reflexivity and concern with body, other
aspects of self. She has incredible form she sits up straight.
Dance. Weights. Adventure. Down's syndrome. Self Derrida. not gorging.
Music, piano art, drawing. Academic acheivement. Silence of mind, and
absorption in task. Not being distracted, not distracting self. Is
sitting dancing. Music, piano, art. Time spent how. Gazing. peace, not
social. Something different. Not ballet. Yet the flexibility and flow
found in the best of classes.
MP3 or mini-disc player? do I wish to have the hassle of that
interaction with tech, or do I wish to sing myself? The old man
carrying big books up and down the aisle. Love of experience in
libraries. remembering the black man, the black kid, who was
disruptive. Remembering, and seeing the absorption of others, the
expanse of space, the sound of chairs. Echoing. I am not running. I am
not doing yoga, I am not taking a dance class, other than my own.
Michael Foucault. Said Fuco, she said. Should I be here more often?
Yes. I shall be here more often. I do not lay down. I no longer seem to
gorge on the internet as I'm want to do on food? My training has served
me well. An adventure in a different substance. Backing up data. Saving
money. Worldzone's interface is so slow to use. I could no longer use
ureach. I don't need ureach? I don't know. I am not watching the st
patrick's day parade. If you want, you will. I wish to teach a class on
experienceartists. I wish to teach a class on experienceartists. On
their lives, Giddens, their bibliographies. Looking up Giddens on
google now. theory.org.co.uk, theory, gender, and identity resources.
Is - looking up 'peak experiences' no- back to Giddens on
Self-reflexivity David Gauntlett is the man behind theory.org.co.uk. He
says don't spend forever reading without writing. Experienceart and
artists. The woman in front of me is incredibly woman shaped, and
inline with the ideal of thinness. She is older, has grey in her hair,
and wears what shows her shape. That shape means a certain success.
There will never be an answer. Is she a yoga denizen? she is putting
weight on her elbows, however. I have so much content now, sitting on
this computer, needing the security of existence by being published, or
at least saved. My expression on my face, conscious of the possibility
of being observed becomes grim without thought. Observed by the woman
across from the woman with grey in her hair. Conscious that once the
couple on the subway said, "he's staring at us." webdav cadaver
freezope.org port 81. Peak experience leading to ken wilber, who has a
striking appearance. Do I wish to write books? Learning how to absorb,
categorize, link, create new meaning-- following dee hock's following
someone else, meaning is a difference which makes a difference-- I am
not interested in the ideas themselves, but in the ideas in relation to
the creator's life. And in creating, ultimately and in the
ongoing present. Ok, entries is backed up. The greyness of the day this
morning on the grey. The greyness was , oh, the woman across from the
woman with grey in her hair, the woman, who I thought had yellow in her
glasses when I glanced at her glancing this way. And at that moment,the
moment I notice she is glancing this way, I change, and I don't like
that change. Same with a woman who just walked by I look up to look at
her eyes, and as soon as I see her eyes are doing the same with me, I
change, I don't like that change. I tighten the muscles around the lips
sometimes, and what do I do with my eyes? Now, then mirroring the woman
with out yellow in her glasses, realizing I was doing so, and stopping.
One can almost see the thoughts in the atmosphere. The grey was
palpable. I wanted to say substantive. The grey was palpable. I
described reading Modern Sociological Theory, especially the feminist
theory, as a growth experience. Clearly I have a sense of growth in
that I used the word. Putting hand to mouth/chin as I pause from
typing. What is that? is the mind empty or is it full? is it
undirected. Noticing the woman without yellow's movements, and I might
say now, symbols of body and of motion. Thus of energy. Stopping to
stretch, conscious of drawing attention to self. Remembering newstart
cookbook is in mid-manhattan library, which closes at 6:00. I have 5
and one half hours. A squeak of a chair, a new woman walking by, thin,
my left hand brushing lips, a thoughtful symbol. A thoughtful symbol.
The way I sit, move, stretch, a symbol. The way I gorge a symbol.
Carmen a symbol. How beautiful is she? She and her cat. When she jokes
sometimes, though, she gets her mouth to look like she doesn't have her
dentures in, a bit of a surprise. Considering Joanna's appearance, but
declining to let thoughts comment. They do, a bit, but I do not amplify
them here, or will I. The risk and effect on herself is palpable. New
word needed. Just yesterday I sat with her in the SIBL library, and
watched her read what I wrote of first meeting her. It was then she
said, "you didn't..." perhaps to how long I said I'd been thinking of
that first interaction in that writing. And yes, I remembered, "tireb,"
the "That is you." A cell phone disrupts, the voice of the user
impinges. This place is more crowded now. But it is so better than the
optometry building, which has florescent lights. Eventually I shall
(just before the Eventually, left hand brushing lips, thoughtful
symbol?), eventually I shall finish the reading and noting of the last
chapter of Mod Soc Theory, and begin the processing of the notes, and
perhaps the (looking around stretching, releasing back, moving legs,
wondering if I can , how long I can not get up, focus, saturdays in
library, as before, some time before, not laying on mats in room, with
food close at hand, easy to eat. Though that problem is much reduced
since the beginning of last week. That last sentence was completed for
reader's benefit, thought of audience, not mine. my back is tiring and
seeking to rest on chair back, an experience I wish to avoid. Yet also
do not wish to be distracted by back itself. This is a way to pass the
time, but shall it become something I look forward to, enjoy, value,
enjoy remembering, continue to do? I need to develop rituals, and I
should love if this could be one, because it is just me and my
thoughts, creating, perhaps something with out external value, but the
experience of engagement, through which hours pass, and leaves a
feeling of wholeness, rather than the dissapation of. Farting,
unexpectedly, left hand brushes, chin, briefly self conscious,
imagining perhaps myself like a cow I saw in an animal rights brochure
with eyes, whites, rolled, of terror. My stomach feels hunger- I pass
on, as my thoughts remember one day after being in library, out by the
statue of William Cullen Bryant? Is it a statue of him? in the
artificial moonlight, feeling empty and calling the people in my cell
phone list. Had I been in the library? Brushing hand on chin, noticing
woman walking. Brushing hand on chin will now be = brsh. Noticing woman
with not yellow, looking up, her left hand on chin, before hunching
over, left hand on forehead hair coming through, scribbling. Would I
take a picture of her Had I a camera? Pausing both hands up, backs of
thumbs touch lips, new man arrives, sits near. Would I take a picture
of her Had I a camera? fucking wild to replay, to repeat that small bit
of experience. The security guard walks by, strolls by, humming, he
does not trouble me for my unshod feet (that was a passing concern).
Stretch and twist. Imagine encoding time data with characters. Pause,
left hand up, front of fist against chin. My legs are not getting much
attention. And for somereason the summerhill/sudbury school comes to
mind. I'm signing off, my events shall not be recorded, at least in
this manner, for a bit now, at least. Slumping and leaning back,
exhaling. The ability to step out a layer and consider writing the
thoughts. Motions, postures, glances. Considering how the medium of
writing, and my focus on it, strongly alters/perhaps channels my
experience. I was considering working with music this morning, as I
probed for ways out of the boredom, lack of excitement or clear desire
of something to do that I woke up with this morning. The greyness in
the air by the river. Glancing off, hand on face (now hof), at faces,
shines on tiles, etc. noticing.
hof (right) rhof.
from the 'peak experience foucault' search, a young black man next to
me, me looking at him briefly, seeing if he was the same as before,
probably not, .... later, perhaps he will not play his headphones loud,
like the other. from the 'peak experience foucault' search, a word
document on Deconstructing orgasm.
lhof
lacan,
from
http://wilber.shambhala.com/html/books/cowokev2_intro.cfm/xid,266315/yid,53332211
In his book Structuralism, Piaget points out that "structure" simply means a self-organizing holistic pattern.
More precisely, according to Piaget, "The notion of structure is
comprised of three key ideas: the idea of wholeness, the idea of
transformation, and the idea of self-regulation." He continues:
That wholeness is a defining mark of structures almost goes
without saying, since all structuralists--mathematicians, linguists,
psychologists, or what have you--are at one in recognizing as
fundamental the contrast between structures and aggregates, the former
being wholes, the latter composites formed of elements.... Moreover,
the law's governing a structure's composition are not reducible to
cumulative one-by-one association of its elements: they confer on the
whole as such overall properties distinct from the properties of its
elements.... The third basic property of structures is that they are
self-regulating, self-regulation entailing self-maintenance and closure.
It will take me a while to embrace / use the word structure, should I ever.
looking up at wome/an = luaw
In The Atman Project, I gave the seventeen levels (which are basically
a subdivision of matter, body, mind, soul, and spirit), but I failed to
fully articulate the fact that different developmental lines (such as
cognitive, moral, artistic, interpersonal, affective, etc.) each
develop in a relatively independent fashion through those seventeen
levels. Thus, a person could be at a relatively high level of cognitive
development, medium level of interpersonal development, and low level
of moral development. In other words, development is not a clunky
ladder-like affair, but rather consists of numerous independent lines
(or streams) progressing through the seventeen basic levels (or waves)
of consciousness.
In Up from Eden, I focused on the evolution of cultural consciousness or worldviews
luaw, light purpleshirt, dark eyebrows, tight shirt, nice breasts. My
eye movt self cons, perhaps like described above. with friend.
(belongs somewhere above: happy that there are now more live ethernet ports in the library)
I have been working through old web browser windows. This is a somewhat
dissapative experience, but I have found Tracey Emin on the the
theory.org.uk site-- the theorist trading cards there are an awesome
approach. David Gauntlett made an impressive creation.
He even has lego theorists! and action figures!
In addition to Tracey Emin, Gilbert & George might seem to offer
insight into experienceart. but the link on the trading card is not
helpful!
from
http://www.newmediastudies.com/art/gilbert.htm
They are also well-known for being a 'living scupture'. When they first
came up with this idea -- rather than make the art, you be the art --
it was an exciting challenge to the rather more obvious modernist
abstract welded steel things that everybody else was calling sculpure.
Even now it's a good idea, especially since they've been doing it so
consistently for so long, even though a number of other people during
the last 30 years, from artists to pop stars, have also decided that
their life is art.
In their manifesto, What Our Art Means, Gilbert & George declare:
'We want our art to speak across the barriers of knowledge directly to
People about their Life and not about their knowledge of art. The 20th
century has been cursed with an art that cannot be understood. The
decadent artists stand for themselves and their chosen few, laughing at
and dismissing the normal outsider. We say that puzzling, obscure and
form-obsessed art is decadent and a cruel denial of the Life of
People'.
Later in their 'Art for all' statement, Gilbert & George state:
'We want the most accessible modern form with which to create the most
modern speaking visual pictures of our time. The art-material must be
subservient to the meaning and purpose of the picture. Our reason for
making pictures is to change people and not to congratulate them on
being how they are'.
The 'Art for All' idea means that Gilbert & George try to
include everyday life in their pictures. Their wish to take this to its
logical extreme is one way of explaining why their work features
nakedness, shit, spunk, and other everyday (but still strangely
shocking) human material.
In one of his diary pieces, Matthew Collings visits Gilbert & George (March 2000):
'Because I know they walk everywhere I ask if they'd ever get a train
out to the countryside and go for a walk. 'Are you mad!' They love the
beauty of nature but they don't like the bigotry out there. They prefer
to take their chances in the urban melting pot. They only go to the
country once a year to stay in the Norfolk (or somewhere) holiday home
of top German curator Rudi Fuchs, to show loyalty. 'Good morning!' they
once said to a young couple with a pram outside a lovely church near
his house. 'Fuck off you weird looking prats!' came the reply'.
Matthew Collings suggested at the time that their life and art were a
defence against, as well as an attack upon, these bigoted views: 'We
could easily imagine -- I think it would be reasonable, anyway -- that
the pair's robo- movements, their posing, their never-changing suits,
and George's unlikely made-up Prince Charles accent, are all part of
the same package of insulating themselves against a world that is
hostile to their particular sexuality -- their badge of defiant
otherness' (The Independent: The Weekend Review, 6 November 1999, p.5).
from:
http://www.culturekiosque.com/art/exhibiti/rheg&g.htm
In a small printed guide, they lay out their guiding principles,
including: describe what you do as art; and make sure people pay lots
of money for it.
from:
http://www.newmediastudies.com/art/collings.htm
Very frequent chunky headings make the paragraphs easy to consume
(writers note -- who would have thought this simple stylistic feature
would positively affect the reading experience so much?)
Couldn't be nicer
Hello Reader! That's how Blimey starts. There's no nicer way to start a book. Why don't all books start like that? How rude.
--
After looking at what I could find on Emin, she's not doing the same
thing I am. Her neon writing, though, and sketches, remind me of mine.
'sometimes I feel beautiful' is nice. She is for the most part selling
emotional trauma, it seems.
she is a traditional artist.
--
a (less) black guy and girlfriend came, and his headphones were
blaring, I jumped on him right away and asked him strongly to please
turn them down. He turned them off. The impulse is it seems to not
attempt to be zen about things I'm not going to be zen about. lhol I
should take a break soon. it is 1434. Probably go to suny across the
street, check cell phone.
Searching for tracy emins bed, found a work called mother and child
divided, winner of the turner prize. Art is about c--women walking down
the wide aisle--art is about creating astonishing things, focusing on
the extraordinary. Creating the extraordinary--shes coming back--In
that way we have a similarity. Though I'm not going to take the
approach of bisecting and preserving a cow with calf.
It's time to go. I have passed some time, and found value in it. This
has been a more coherent and self-affirming time than yoga would have
been, and it is
not
over
yet.
What does my choice of writing as a medium mean?
did not finish reading ken wilber's page. will I study him more? probably.
.