Sat 27 Jul 2002 10:00
tigerlilly

physically not so hot, but fine, actually, mellow

sad [somewhat] that sara sounded like she thought I was still planning on going up to boston- should have let her know? obviously I'm preoccupied with self-

I clearly am stuck in pre-conventional, perhaps due to negativity. (my own, about various opportunities)

but no, I really would not want to be a zope programmer for 6months in tennesee. I'd rather be an eckerd youth alternative-
no not that either.

here is fine. the problem is when like yesterday, four hours of mundanity is combined with more- errands and such, and no forward progress or no daydreaming/wandering.

barring homelessness, if I could find a way to do it efficiently (with respect to producing free time, that could be used in a way I desired--would probably need reasonably level of warmth, electricity, and maybe internet), of all the alternative I'm aware of this is not so bad (note I'm not at work right now).

Of  course when I'm at work on a stupid day...

considering the alternatives--

this is quite excellent.

I just get a bit down when considering trying to find a place to live.

Which won't be hard. for $100/more than current rent.

I do like (tolerate better) the programming days at work.

I could try out the NYC homeless shelters

could live in a hostel, bunkhouse of sorts.

escape money (what I manage to save)

is important to me

there are definitely parts I like about my job (access to resources, 42nd st).

1029
my limbs are sapped of energy. I haven't eaten well (food I think is good in appropriate amounts-- more vegetals, perhaps, but I haven't eaten horribly-- main issue, is, I think, not getting out in the evenings as well as in the mornings).

It is a beautiful cool, overcast, quiet day in this small room, as anne has, for now, left the premises.

I definitely can pare down my stuff to make it easier to try homeless shelters and such.

They have a big xray machine for checking homeless person's bags (right near Veronika's place- which I called her after checking it out more on weds am, and told her (after a delay) I wanted to look near where I live now-- the road is too busy, I did not want to breathe as I walked down the street, and I want to be near the hills and parks).

Well, that's o.k.

my load is light (If I balance things right) yesterday my errands were - attempting to renew my domainnames, and buying a _nylon_ drag suit.

plus assorted internet time-wasting(?) (repeated checking of news sites, market dir).


Yeah, I don't really know how to have relationship with sara (beyond what we do already which works quite well)-- or others. That wilber end note sort of sums things up.

Though, when you find others who think the rules suck, like you, you can work together and love within those possibilities.


In that world, my own, part time jobs are the norm, people live very frugally, and are free to pursue cheap endeavors in their own time.

Nah-- only that there are no regulatory barriers to p/t work.

are you getting back in? no.

anonymous coward.

how's the baby.

Patrick's a little twitchy. does he have some ailment?

at least I know where I want to live..

gregory advertises in the voice and in the NY Press.

did i tell you?

I love you-

-farcical

imagination-

-dreaming

peasants-

-how?

something wrong? Kids dreaming and playing
to adults working?

hair on body.

light, dark on skin.

sara-h shall be silent.

I can't be anything to her, because I'm not anything to myself.

sarai

not anything to a certain generalized other?

no one _really_ cares. First thoughts they might,
but after presence, no they don't.

It is up to you what you do with them.

With out money, or with very little.

m,j


1139
some (presumably) hispanic assholes are blasting their music now.

not so bad.


1305
yeah, (!) I talked with anne (I had put an ad on the fridge re: room)
I'm o.k. here till the end of sept...

call gregory re: his rooms two weeks to a week before. He has one apt with 4 rooms. We're looking for 10/1 now.
Though anne says she'll refund deposit if I move out early. I'd rather time things right.

Oh, me.

Let's make progress on the site, since it seems that's what's important to us. for now.

Site(s), once up, could lead to some better form of work for money (if)

perfect.

(comments on journal entries?)

oh darn. $100/week is closer to $433.33 / month. Not $425.

$100 more /month is $1200 more /year.

spent a bit much last month with $50/hacker con, $104/memory, $16/nics, $30 on c64 proj. Perhaps a bit more on food.

dad says news of people having to move because can't afford houses, laid off jobs (large corp bankruptcies). Law in nat legis to make it harder to avoid repaying debts through bankruptcy. Dad is not getting back in yet, because, a whole lot of debt/excess cash needs to wash out- something like that, he says. no one in mainstream press writes about it, but they know it.

fyi I take home something like $1075/mo now. $325/mo rent+utils $63/mo subway pass $20/mo swim pass $26/mo cell phone. And food? not sure. $434/mo base expense (not counting food). Food at least $200/mo ? But I doubt I save $400/mo. Though I have been saving- since start of job- (12/1/01) cash savings from $500 to $3000- $2500/8 = $312.50 /mo. all approx.
If not for taxes, there'd be quite a bit more.
Is my pre-tax salary really $17,000/year? I do believe it should have been before my $100/mo raise $16000/year. Where does that $3,100 go?

puts me in at least 20% tax bracket (though money is taken for social security and medicare also, but those are basically a tax/gov't regulation imposed taking)

I shall have to look more closely again at paystubs/letter, though I'm sure I have before, but I'll get the breakdown for you.

1342
sittin here (laying) -
hysterical laughter (not as)

1411
The cats are yowling and anne marches out to discipline them. I think she put the cats in the room now.

1431
I don't know what I mean to you.
so I guess.
reciprocity.
Nah. I choose myself. If she did really want me to be there (and told me so) would I?

no. because i would be back to work on monday, and no closer to escaping.

1437
total chaos, nyc nuked, pols said didn't warn anyone because --
and the rest of the states and world?
What kind of leaders would emerge?

how would people be organized/dis-

1614 an hispanic woman is yammering over a loudspeaker in the distance. Someone has been pressure cleaning all day. throbbing, highspeed.

1623 fan is on low to help drown out yammering woman.

1723 hate to break the atmosphere, but I just said, "what a wonderful day." I've had fun playing with my experienceartist cmf site--setting up queries as an imaginary user (sara), there's also veronika, jane, and others-
queries like "What is vitality" with descriptions like, "I don't know, but I want it." some of 'vitality is orgasm'

I've talked to few- only mom, dad, erin, people at pool.

anne,

I have a run this evening (almost now) to look forward , most likely.

I have something interesting to think about: the next step in organizing experienceartists' queries-- into a profile page,

and then how to aggregate, how to let them--

like a news page. drawing from the various queries.

I learned how to do some important things in CMF. (make a fast submit). Get a just_publish workflow working.

continues.

how to make the site compelling?

What shall it's draw be? others' responses, or queries to answer, or both?

did you ever want to know what someone thought about?

Have fun sorting out the bible beaters :)

I love brown cows!

What basic features most important?

link to display of one's favorites folder?

how to arrange opps to organize around various issues?

what of the problem of disappearing content? is that a problem? (people retracting and others have referred). Probably not a problem. If people are no longer proud of something they should be able to take it off, edit it. (yes!). Another means of making it less likely I'm archiving content people don't value.


queries start by the queries people think to ask themselves?
"what would I do if I were my own parent--if I were the child of myself, how would I take care of myself?"

or by queries people think to ask others?

"What is vitality?"

queries always start with one asking self? If others find the query interesting, they answer and you can hear their response. The practice of attempting to answer it yourself, helps ensure the query is helpful(?).

estimating the value of the query?

does it get us closer to where we wish to go?

How Ai (appreciative inquiry) is this? close, I think.

How chaordic (not bad, being distributed).


Profiles can be unmoderated,
news page can be moderated (if enough content to do so)?


We give a base model to the internet audience and then be prepared to revise based on what they say (like with queries), but need to have a question to start with.

profiles, will be easy. It's the news like/ discussion like aspect that gets complicated.

attraction to people who see spending time posting in online forums, news sites is frivolous. Here they can develop a body of work (they can on news sites too: kuro5hin, sd, allow looking at postings by user), but the primary goal of this is a sort of progression to a better self, and to a better (experiencing greater meaning, vitality) society.

A concern: how will the social activism come out of this?

Someone looks to see what people's dreams for self/society are-

if they see a commonality, which they wish to work to address, they can contact those people-

They can include a link with contact info to a main organizer, or to an offsite organizing page (e.g. we get a lot of ishmael beaters/ bible beaters).


This can be a means of gathering data of some kind-

or in aiding wilber (et. al.)'s goal of a transition to a second level orientation?

the lifeworld sensor.

What are people's dreams and concerns (at least those who would like writing about them here)?

Are they simply, (mundane).

Do they see extraordinary opportunities for improvement, or no (no cars, no taxes).

If there are status quo types will their answers be dull as doornails?

Their take on experiencing meaning and vitality should still be interesting.

The intervention, colin, you insidious g-d, is simply asking the question?

no, the examples must be present-- back to those notes you made in nice:

there must be motivation for change (often a discontent).

There must be a perception of a course of action that allows for improvement.

the course of action must be perceived as implementable.


Theory of site:

The queries will spur action? spur change?

we're providing a goal for society.

We'll see if they take it or change it to another focus (rejection/modification of base orientation toward vitality and meaning. I wonder what wilber would say of that orientation. In someways I'm working outside of his framework, I'm not focusing on higher states of consciousness etc. myself, perhaps later, after this stage?).


site content license issues (if you think you can make money distributing the content found here, go for it). (cost of running site).

will people keep coming back? as they think of new queries for self? as they think of improvements to old answers?

I hope there's not becoming an escapist browsing of other's responses, but would that be escapist (you'd be hearing the lifeworld's focus?)?


will something great become of this? why not?

teacher to the world

the wise man doesn't give the right answers, she poses the right questions
?

No, there are answers to be given, consented on,
which is why we value hearing others' thoughts about living

in the face of the system.

and why we are able to make decisions between better and worse-

in many cases.


This creative process, this creating something out of nothing.


it would be awesome to make this past (mine), the past of these tools and precursors (sd, kuro5hin, fc, etc), hugely meaningful because of success of this endeavor-

ego and "boomeritis" what a dorky name for thoughts of grandeur, self-aggrandizing dreams. Imagine, to have one's past and the roots of ones creative effort, roots of one's ideas studied like shakespeare's -

that's fine.

quite possibly, if what one is doing will happen it will happen regardless, but the role of individuals, like _ and wilber, and jefferson.

Well, it would be nice to no longer need / for whatever reason entertain thoughts of homeless, isol, wandr'ing, my guess is we're not out of the woods yet-

(remember those dreams for the being group?)

(amazing how similar this endeavor is- and yet different, a focus this time, and a criterion for judgement/value)

Suzuki.

who will my users be?

The practice, given away, would it run rampant?

A sort of "brainbench" for an indiv's pers. growth?

yeech, anti-green

imagine a personal add-- this is me: I want to see your ea profile- go there, and tell me your UID.

not that I'd think that'd be much help for finding a like-

but, a criteron, a cut, like my swimming pool.


that s fun,

much to go before start beginning to test those sorts of daydreams.


-freely

i warn you however, I'm on the lookout for ways to support myself in a way I love, and others love-

1814

1857
love@formylove.org
Is it possible to pass portal_catalog.searchResults() a conditional argument such as: "id=foo or title=difffoo"?

Thanks
Bryan

In Love we live when love we seek and love we remember.
[from cmf-list archive]

2002-07-27-2240
I managed to get myself feeling lonely
I feel bad about what I said to sara (same again, that she thought I was coming up), that I said it'd be cool if I got a chance to see her before she left on her next trip.
She's meant more to me than that.
Oh well,

I'll probably call her tomorrow to assess what she's thinking, how she took it. and to say, it'd mean a lot if I get to see you before you leave again.

went out for a jog and spat up most of the walnuts I (overate, I guess) not too long before. unpleasant.

I took a cool shower, and feel nice now.

went to tennis courts, and played, and sang my kind of blues.

I wonder if white people neighborhoods are ever anywhere near as lively as these.

-I spend my time thinking about -

They go out and have barbecues and fish, and play cards, and have glow in the dark thingies, and scooters with underlighting and cavernous subwoofers with neon lit caverns (or something) filling the entire back of their minivan.

blacks play b-ball at night, the mexicans in the a.m. the mexicans play soccer at night and in the evening.

that's all.


.