Thu 21 Mar 2002 23:01
Took a capoiera class per joanna's suggestion, though that's only a small part of what might be more of a story. Anyways. I'm checking out Ken Wilber. He may be someone whose way of life I can learn from.

from _One Taste, the journals of Ken Weber_ Shambhala Press 1999 p 4
"Thursday, January 9 1997
Fame in this country is a religion that demands human sacrifice, a religion to which I do not wish to belong. You start to take yourself so seriously--I saw it happening to me, after I had written my first book at the age of 23. I'd give lectures or seminars, people would tell me how amazingly great I was, and sooner or later, _you believe them_.

After about a year of that, I decided I could either teach what I had written yesterday, or write something new. So I stopped going to conferences, I stopped teaching, I stopped giving interviews.

For the next twenty years, I stuck to that plan with virtually no exceptions."

Ken Wilber was writing his journal for publication...
He seems stuck in heterosexual two gender land--weds jan 15th entry. But I haven't read his work so can't say.

Searching for "my life is art" on Google, I found the following:
http://www.ucolick.org/~bouwens/node2.html
Similar to what I was doing? It really is a sad story. I didn't read the whole thing, but it seems like the guy, Rychard, never got what he wanted, though it seems he has the self-reflexivity (self-critique) to get him there. He makes it seem so hard to have a meaningful relationship with a woman, and he, like I once did, and could certainly again, seems to want it more than most other things. Unless his journal is just about the women aspect of his life. It is unnerving to me how much he goes by physical attraction--though he clearly has mental criteria as well. Am I deluding myself that it's easy? I don't think so. I think I'm familiar with a good number of the rules of the game--, and I think I know that what I think he wants so much probably won't satisfy him in the end. How lucky was I to find Rebecca?

I think I have more to learn possibly from Ken Wilber's journal. Yes I know this uncertain writing style is heinously annoying. But Rychard is being open and expressing of intense emotions--he's successful at getting me to feel a bit of what he might have felt

here's a quote from his page that is ...:
For some people, crises are an unwelcome event, for others a diversion from the mundane day-to- day reality, for me they are the sustenance on which I live, on which I define my frenetic existence.
``Any idiot can face a crisis - it's this day-to-day living that wears you out.'' Anton Chekov

I will probably try to see what he's up to and if he can point me to others who do what he's done. It is a special kind of writing, a kind of writing which I believe I'm doing as well, but don't quite understand.

It's also clear to me that hardly anyone but me and people with DSL connections in their houses will read significant amounts of my online work (Bouwens' was 650k all on one page)--eventually I may find a way to address this problem--a way to download the whole site for offline reading. I should be able to spider a copy with HTTrack.

I'm only 8 pages in to KW One Taste... but the remarks, references, and links are very interesting.Sacred Mirrors: The visionary art of Alex Grey.
Alex paints with the eye of contemplation, the eye of the spirit. The point of this art is to express something you are not yet, but that you cna become.
Tony Schwartz: What really matters: Searching for wisdom in america.

jan23: Finished Christopher Isherwood's thousand-page diary (volume one!) and I have been deeply depressed for almost a week. Isherwood produced the first translations of the Bhagavad Gita, Yoga Sutras, The crest jewel of Discrimination (Shankara). Isherwood and WH Auden were gay. and EM Forster?Alan Turing (killed (essentially) because).

p10- Precisely because the German tradition strove so nobly and so mightily for Geist and Spirit..

me: What is it to be in love? What is Joanna feeling? I don't have any idea, nor any idea when I'll see her again.

me: my movement practice. I need to get dance/creative movement back in my life but I'm still not happy with classes. Capoeira was good, fun, I'd never done it before. But not quite what I want. And so I practice in the park, dressed funnily, and a little girl laughs at the guy doing ballet.

kw: Aldous Huxley was probably the last--and this is part of my depression--was probably the last author who could write intensely, deeply, and philosophically about mystical and transcendental topics .. and be taken seriously by the intelligentsia.
p13
to the Huxley-like emancipators I would add, of course, Thomas Mann. He writes his first novel, Buddenbrooks, at age 25 and gets the Nobel for it. Who could write The Magic Mountain today and even get it published.
"death in venice"
Robert Musil, Proust, and mann
differentiate prerational regression from transrational glory

jack crittenden's _beyond individualism_

p17 assemble all the truths each field believes it has to offer humanity: wilber's integrative method.

andrew harvey also gay- the tibetan book of living and dying.

it is by their books how these people make their friends? at least some.

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