Fri 05 Apr 2002 15:12
manic,
diffuse
inventory,
girl in blue,
discuss email (j)
sleep
   

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Thu 04 Apr 2002 21:38
it's only about an hour subway ride to Brooklyn Public - all that last part was typed drivenly, on the way. I'm hoarding books, way more than I could hope to read before they are requested by someone and I can't renew them (?) well, not quite, I may be able to get what I want from each of them.

This is a strange behavior, but it is like reading an engrossing novel, that one stays up all night to read, because it is more exciting than any other part of your life... No this isn't quite that exciting, but I mean to say, if it weren't for this story, I'd be excercising and stretching a more optimal amount. But this _is_ the way I want it.

William gave me some garlic to put in my quinoa, wheat berry, amaranth mixture, and the garlic doesn't taste garlicky at all (hardly at all)... but is a nice addition.

Yes it is a strange compulsion to want to collect all these books. to read them by madly typing so much stuff in. I don't understand it. But the health and relationship aspects of my life have not been seriously adversely affected by it, and perhaps relationship aspects are currently being helped by it, and in the long run both health and relationship will benefit from it(?). Far better than having no motivation, no engaging activities of my own.

--

I sort of freak out whenever joanna suggests she wants to see me, and I can't immediately do something about it--eventually, as we keep going (and I hope we do) I'll have a better understanding of how she feels and how we can work together. I don't know what my issue is. I see that she says she wants to see me, and then, well, what do I do?? I'm too used to being the one always saying he wants to see someone

If I seem distracted, it is because I'm writing a bit, then pausing to feed myself some more, and so on.

(cont.) not having it the other way around! -that seems to have been part of the reason I got so worked up about that last time...who knows, who knows?

I may be going to a rave that lasts till 4am tomorrow evening...
I might not last much past 10--

but hey, its quite wonderful when the amazing people you just found out about live only a few miles away (progoff, alex grey), and are having a benefit for their amazing projects (alex grey) only two days after you first get to their web site.

A rave only for folks 21 and over?

unfortunately my compulsive nose picking has led to a small infection and I look like rudolpf

p34 lreary psychadelics set and setting -- mindset and setting seriously affects nature of trip

p37 huston smith 43yo in 1962--speaking at the open ctr nyc this year- ran psylocybin sessions for students in hismit seminars on mysticism

p38
all those who to the psilocybin believed that the positive effects of that single experience had endured in their lives. Leary and alpert believed psychedelix provided a quick route to the sort of wisdom that practices such as long-term meditation were intended to cultivate.

Aldous Huxley's initial trip on mescaline, _The doors of perception_
"To be shaken out of the ruts of ordinary perception, to be shown for a few timeless hours the outer and the inner world, not as they appear to an animal obsessed with survival or to a human being obsessed with words and notions, but as they are apprehended, directly and unconditionally.. This is an experience of inestimable value to everyone. WE must intensify our ability to look at the world directly and not through that half opaque medium of concepts, which distorts every given fact into the all too familiar likeness of some generic label or explanatory abstraction."
Huxley himself was such a clear-headed, careful, and provocative thinker.
recognized that the issue was threatening to the established order and therefore potentially incendiary.

p42 After six years, I realized that no matter how high I got, I came down. As if youcame into the kingdom of heaven, saw how it was, then got cast out.


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