Mon 30 Dec 1996 09:00
Wandering, as usual, wish for a freedom from thinking. Cannot wait for school to start. Must find more people I love than Rebecca, I guess because she's tough. Maybe I can run with the orienters, or find some other runners. Maybe I can work on the Being Group ltd. though, well, I guess that's best, but It will be a while before I publicise if I ever do,

Seeking fucking intimacy, I guess that's the deal. It sucks, I don't feel strong, whole or independent, and yet that is just a mental choice. It is a marvel that I choose to be not content, but I think that is because I want a different situation, and discontent is the motivation to change. Discontent is the motivation to change.

Yeah, I don't want to worry about anything, just live thoroughly in the present, yet I am not. Why am I not? It is because I am not in the ideal environ, I could despair that I never would be, or I can be patient, and work strongly to create it. I guess Being has a part. Focus with it love. The group is what size? The group is who? Why is she there? Time, I'm thinking it is time, yet focus. What is a life-long friend?

What is a life-long friend? I wish david, I wish he were around more, and not so distancing. It would be good to see him again. I hope I can.

Any body else? Sara's gone. I hope mollie. I'll get to see her again, but she's so not-here it seems, rel, it's like I am not with her.

What does it take to be really with a person? The free love? That is why David. He's Awesome somehow, I don't know how

Any others of a number? And when I leave would I talk to those I left? She talks to those she left, I don't know, maybe she lived with themmmmm? Maybe she grew up with them.

I know that two disfuns don't make a fun, what what what am I to do? This becoming loving whole is not so easy or quick, and no, no, no, it is not just any person. Not just any person, but
where are those who I love. Is there a place I can go and find them all there? Find my group, find my people. Or is there no such thing but time, but time, and creation of the connections of these individuals who I see once, maybe twice, and  and and again?

saresoeak
arlingre
harcl
alowred hate
nippedd sex
wereing arm
heighted

I
eley o v e criste
ariuxtr sharl n
e x p irtht find
       fine-

wound
arfluid
carlssreak
shock
glaring
glisstdrechres.
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The nothing cake
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